Sunday, May 28, 2017

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! (Pre-Premiere Recap)

Three days, now.
Not only did Lucha Underground go on hiatus for a very long time, but before it did, I skipped writing up the last four episodes. So since I needed to remind myself where things left off anyway, I watched all four, and here's where things stand:

The finale of the Battle of the Bulls, a four-way elimination match for a shot at the title. Cage vs. PJ Black vs. Jeremiah Crane vs. Mack. Cage is eliminated first with the help of Tejano, furthering their feud. Mack stuns Crane off the top rope, then, stuns Black normally, and takes the prize. Really solid outing. The standout spot involved Cage, on Mack's shoulders, somehow catching and powerslamming Black. Mack ends up fighting Mundo after Mundo beat Sexy Star in a cage match by fucking with her mask. Mack and Mudo start with a match to determine the stipulation of their title match. Mundo wins via Underference, and picks ALL NIGHT LONG as the stip for when we return this Wednesday.

Tejano and Cage's best of five series for the soul of a dead god finally comes to a conclusion, with Tejano winning the the fourth match via exposed turnbuckle. But then Dario starts the fifth match immediately, makes it Anything Goes, and it's a classic, brutal, Lucha Underground hardcore match. Cage comes back to win it with a suplex into a piledriver. Cage gets the Ultimate Opportunityy, which ends up somewhat disappointingly and also somewhat awesomely being a metal glove. As means for a heel turn go, a metal glove tat possesses you is pretty good. Tejano wins the Penultimate Opportunity, the representation of Famous B and Brenda, sort of, after they helped him cheat to beat Joey Ryan. Meanwhile Cage tests out the Gauntlet by squashing Veneno, the returning undercover cop Ricky Reyes in a spider mask.

The Reptiles continue to fight the Dragoless Superfriends, first in a bathroom with the Reptiles dominant. then co-opting Drago to beat the Rabbit Tribe (who've decided Mascarita 'Sagrada is their god, the White Rabbit. Post-match, Aerostar and Fenix rescue Drago from the Reptiles, but it's not entirely clear how deep the Kobra Moon's brainwashing goes.

The weird Jeremiah Crane / Ivelisse / Mil Muertes / Catrina love quadrangle thing leads to a match hbetween Crane and Muertes, but this is largely a sideshow to the story of Prince Puma embracing the dark side after his Grave Consequences match with Muertes and taking Vampiro as his master. Puma attacks Muertes with a kendo stick to give Crane a fluke win. Muertes revenge comes by Flatlining Vampiro in front of Puma.

After her loss to Mundo, Star got moved into a side story where someone keeps sending her dead spiders. She thinks it's Mariposa, and beats her ass in a match, causing Marty The Moth to turn on and chokeslam his sister. But when Star sees Veneno's spider mask after his match with Cage, she thinks it's him and kicks his ass some more. And apparently Marty's chokeslam earned his sister's respect, because the last thing we see before the break is Marty kidnapped and tied up in a basement by Mariposa.

And finally, in a storyline otherwise unaddressed in these last four episodes, El Dragon Azteca challenges Matanza Cueto to a death match. It doesn't go well for Azteca, as after a solid, butal match, Matanza chokeslams Azteca through the fucking bleachers into what may be a hellmouth underneath. This brings out Rey Mysterio, and the resulting ost-match brawl is even more insane, with Manza and Rey slamming each other into every part of the area at the top of the stairs before  Rey back body drops Matanza through the roof of Dario's officej, causing Dario to evacuate the Temple.

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