Sunday, August 13, 2017

Post-Mortem: Seeso

See Ya
 Seeso is shutting down any day now, but when it shuts down is irrelevant, because I have slightly less than a month to watch what I wanna watch, because of course the monthly charge came through like two fucking days after they announced the channel was ending.

Post-Mortem: @midnight

Seacrest OUT
It's been about a week now, but @midnight ended a 600 episode run recently, and  I thought I'd look back at what it did, what it was, and the hole it leaves in the comedy landscape.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Week of 8/7)

First the Punjabi Prison, now this.
The Events Of Significance from WWE programming this week, as we head into the second-biggest show of the year, Summerslam, in just two weeks.

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! ("The Hunger Inside / Bloodlines""

I MEAN COME ON!
Lucha Underground has been on fire the past two weeks. With the Cueto Cup winding up and not dominating the entire show, there's been time to pick up long-dangling plot threads and reintroduce things like Gift of the Gods medallions. But the end of Wednesday's episode demands a spoileerific scream of nerd joy.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

They! Were! (Mostly!) N! X! T!

Goddammit, Funk, stop making awesome wrestlers.
The new line of WWE POPs dropped at the end of July, and I had to be judicious and only get, um, five of them.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (7/31-8/3)

PROTECT YOUR NECK
This week, we're just going to discuss the Events Of Significance across all four shows.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Atomic Blonde (Light Spoilers)

Hum a Depeche Mode song while looking at this picture and save yourself eight bucks.
Atomic Blonde lost me very quickly, and no number of very competently designed and produced action sequences could get me back.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Raw/Smackdown (7/24-25)





Raw was boring and Smackdown was like a shorter, better Battleground, so let's combine them this week.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Battleground 2017


Calling this show a hot mess would drastically overestimate the temperature of the mess.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Preacher: "On The Road", "Mumbai Sky Tower", "Damsels"

Three in one, just like this post!
I'm massively behind on Season 2 of Preacher, but I have finally gotten the first three episodes knocked off. The good news is that after delivering a proof-of-concept prequel in Season 1, they're hewing much closer to the pace and tone of the comic in Season 2. The bad news is sorta the same.

PREDICTIONS: Battleground 2017


Battleground! Another PPV! Pretend to give a shit!

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! "Fade To Black"

Fun fact: GLOW also had "Dare" and "Wolf" in it.
Round 2 continues, with a surprise that messes with my predictions but makes me happy.

NXT (7/19)

And punch punch punch...
The first half hour of this week's NXT featured some of the best wrestling WWE's had in months. Then it went downhill.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

205 Live (7/17)

Fun fact: The WWE's cruiserweight merch still consists of one TJ Perkins shirt.
It's always fun to see a match win the stagnant, uncaring 205 LIve crowd over. Shame it was the first match on the card.

Smackdown Live (7/18)

The romantic tension is off the charts.
The Battleground go-home show continues Smackdown's recent trend of simultaneously having the best talent and also being the most xenophobic, jingoistic show WWE has to offer.

Monday Night Raw (7/17)

Modern-Day Jeff Jarrett
Congratulations to Monday Night Raw for answering one of the most perplexing mysteries of the last month... from Smackdown.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

HATEWATCH: X-Men: Apocalypse

Four percent of the characters in this fucking movie.
How fucking boring was X-Men: Apocalypse So boring that the usual Hatewatch as-the-movie-goes jokes are too boring to post.

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! "A Fenix To The Flame"

You want Hep C? Because THAT'S HOW YOU GET HEP C.
Woo, back on track with predictions, and a trio of surprisingly competitive matches.

NXT (3-Week Catchup)

Big Boy Playtime!
Three week catchup on NXT, where they've somehow had three weeks of quality championship matches that completely failed to capture my interest.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Bracketbustin' Lucha Undergroundd: "Left For Dead"

He is the Vest Master!
I put this off for like a week because my predictions were so fucking off.

Smackdown Live (7/11)

You're damn right it's not.
Smackdown heads toward Battleground in full-bore mediocre mode, with talented performer playing out the rote steps in standard storylines.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Monday Night Raw (7/10)

SO MANY SHOUTY MEN
OK, let's talk about where this week's Raw left key feuds and stories as we had towards Summerslam, which is farther away than you'd think.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Great Balls Of Fire 2017

This really needed more of a JR than a Michael Cole.
I've gotta say, that could have been less entertaining. I mean, solid B, but my expectations were pretty low. Needed more Finn Balor though.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Adding To The Bo- Collection

Five more, becaue I have a problem.
So the most recent additions to the collection are all from BO properties.

PREDICTIONS: Great Balls Of Fire

Close enough.
Right. There's a PPV tomorrow. I'm still bummed from Lucha Underground totally demolishing my Group D bracket picks, but I suppose I should make some predictions for the Raw brand's most ridiculously named house show

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Monday Night Raw (7/3)

I think they accidentally made the other one the star.
There was a surprising amount of good stuff on last night's Raw, but we've gotta talk about that Enzo Amore promo, because holy shit.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Baby Driver



The nice thing about the trailer to Baby Driver is that your reaction to it is an accurate predictor of your reaction to the movie. It's a very honest trailer, if you'll pardon the expression.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Crash Bandicoot: N-Sane Trilogy (PS4)

EYEBROW POWER
My thumb hurts. This game's been out for 16 hours and my thumb hurts.

205 Live (6/28)

ON BOARD FOR T HIS
We haven't talked about 205 and the Cruisers for a while, because, well, 205 and the Cruisers have been stagnant for a while. But let's check in, as at least one new development has livened things up.

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! "Macho Madness" (6/28)

Lucha Underground gets its Motherfuckin' thanks to Killshot and Jeremiah Crane, but no screenshot because there aren't any good ones on the Internet and I still can't take my own easily.

They fucked my bracket! First, they had Paul London pick up a countout win over Vibora, a.k.a. Luchasaurus. Not a huge deal, because whoever won was getting squashed next week by Mil Muertes, and my other picks - Mil squashing Veneno, Taya defeating Joey Ryan, and Jeremiah Crane defeating Killshot - all went as I expected.

After a few weeks of lackluster first round matches, Killshot vs. Crane delivered the hard-hitting, competitive, spot-fest action I love Lucha Underground for. The match had everything, from strikes and flips and outside-the-ring shenanigans to a good energy, crisp moves, and a hot crowd. Sure, the Dante Fox distraction that gave Crane the win was as perfunctory as it gets, but other than that, perfection.

Crane also attacked Mil in the bathroom in a backstage vignette and did something to his neck. No idea if that'll play out once we get to Round 3 or not.

In the other major vignette, the final participant was revealed, and it's not Matanza, as I predicted. It's "Son of Madness", who is the guy who looks just like Son of Havoc who appeared in the Season 3 trailer. While this change makes me more confident in my pick of Prince Puma to win Group D, and I'm confident Son of Madness will beat Son of Havoc next week in Round 1, I don't know whether Son of Madness will beat Dragon Azteca Jr. or not. Probably not, because they probably don't want to push him that hard before his undercard feud with Havoc, but maybe. We'll see.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Smackdown Live (6/27)

About to make WWE history?
OK, first things first. SMackdown Live, right now, is more entertaining than it's ever been, and this episode was, for the most part, a stellar example of that.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Monday Night Raw (6/26)

Not quite the Festival of Friendship, but not bad.
 In the absence of much good wrestling or significant developments, Raw was really the tale of two segments.

GLOW (Netflix) (No Spoilers)

Five plus hours of fun, for the most part.
Thanks to half hour episodes, a ten episode run, and most importantly, a lack of interest by anyone esle in my life that might mess with scheduling, I watched the entire run of GLOW on Netflix in about four days. Oh, also thanks to it being wildly entertaining.

Lucha Underground: "Family Firstt" (6/21)

Well, the good news is, my Group C, Round 1 predictions in the Cueto Cup were also all correct, and we got a new installment of the Johnny Mundo / Rey Mysterio comedy documentary on their preparations for their match. Other than that, though, it was a lackluster episode, undeserving of either a screencap or a Motherfuckin'.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Raw and Smackdown (June 19-20)

Easily D-Bry's best moment since becoming GM.
In the interest of time, here are the significant events from Raw and Smackdown this week.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Money In The Bank 2017

Even he thinks this is a bad idea.
Money iIn The Bank has been successfully deposited, and as a brand-specific PPV, it was surprisingly entertaining. But as the delivery system for one of the most important gimmicks in the WWE currently, it fell short.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Wonder Woman

Still gonna wait for reviews on Justice League tho.
In an "objective" measurement of comparative movie quality, Wonder Woman clocks in at a high Thor 2. Solid, mythological, good action, decent story, mediocre villain.

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground: "The Cup Begins"

Well, I didn't predict THAT.
The Cueto Cup has officially begun, and they're plowing through the matches fairly quickly, given that they only have 29 matches in the tournament and half a season before Ultima Lucha 3.

PREDICTIONS: Money In The Bank 2017

Two briefcases, no waiting.
Money in the Bank is here, with twice as many briefcases! It should actually be a decent show, at least on paper, but I am give-a-shit-impaired this week, so we'll see.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

PREDICTIONS: The Cueto Cup

And so... it begins.
OK. It's been an awkward, shitty week, but the Cueto Cup starts tonight on Lucha Underground, they released the brackets, and I want to lock my predictions in before tonight's show airs.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Jim Jefferies Show

Funny, if not strictly necessary.
I do have to wonder why this show exists.

I'm not saying it's not funny. In fact, it's probably the most laugh-out-loud funny of all the topical desk-based comedy shows. John Oliver puts the jokes between the serious bits, and with Samantha Bee, you're more agape in awe at the dead on, palpable hits she scores on everybody she targets.

Jefferies' show is, appropriately for him, way more joke-heavy. But other than that, it follows a VERY standard structure of monologues and a field piece. The field piec, a pretty standard "this interview subject doesn't realize what he's saying" bit in Holland about their racist Christmas mascot, Black Peter, is elevated by Jefferies' trademark bluntness.

Jefferines has spent a lot of his career arouind that tricky "ironic racism", "outlandish character", "politically incorrect provocateur" line that Bill Maher spent so much of the past week on the very wrong side of. He pulls it off in the premiere, and he's generally been more successfulat it in recent years, making it clear that his heart's in the right place when his jokes aren't. More Jeselnik than Tosh.  Can he maintain it? We'll see.

On the upside, Jefferies is super-confident and super-comfortable in his new role, and the show is produced with the kind of competence you'd expect from the incredibly familiar format. I'm glad it's weekly, and not daily, though the actual Daily Show could learn a lot from Jefferies' and his staff's joke-writing.

Smackdeown Live (5/6)

I don't know. I think their day one is getting pretty h.
This week's Smackdown featured two events of real significance, one event of veery mild significance, a bunch of farting around, and the always (for sufficiently short-term values of always) entertaining tag division.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Monday Night Raw (5/5)

Joe's gonna squeeze Paul's head until it's back to the same size as his face.
A middling Raw after a disappointing Extreme Rules, with few answers to many of my post-EXR questions, and the answers we did get were, for the most part, not great.

Extreme Rules 2017

Nothing makes sense anymore.
Want mediocre action, inexplicable stipulations, and disappointing finishes? Well, then have I got a PPV for you!

Saturday, June 3, 2017

PREDICTIONS: Extreme Rules 2017

Even the graphic agrees with me!
My ambivalence level for Extreme Rules is astonishingly high, and made all the higher by the knowledge that nobody is going to get pushed down cement steps on a spine board. So how extreme can it really be?

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! (AlFl Night Long Again)

Man, I missed this show.
Lucha Underground is back after a newarly five month hiatus with the second ever All Night Long match for the Lucha Underground championshi between Johnny Mundo and The Mack. And oh, man, did it not disappoint.

Smackdown Live (5/30)

HOW IS THIS WORKING?!
Pretty good Smackdown Live this week, coming as it does in that sweet spot where they're setting up their matches for the next PPV.

205 Live (5/30)

Whew.
205 Live still desperately needs the shakeup they've been hinting at but not delivering on for months.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Make Mine More Marvel

OK, really, done for a few weeks.
So the Spidey Homecoming Pops came out sooner than I thought given the movie's release date, so I had to fuckin' get on that shit because I was not missing out on that Tony Stark. Because that Tony Stark is all the kinds of awesome.

Now, since I was there anyway, I also grabbed a Vulture. I skipped Spidey because I have the Civil War Spidey and they're very similar. I skipped the Homemade Suit Spidey because, well, it's ugly. And I skipped the Peter Parker because it looks too much like Arseface.

But then Amazon suggested an Ego, and it was cheaper than average, and I don't have any other Kurt Russell Pops... anyway, I have a problem is what I'm saying.

Monday Night Raw (5/29)

Today, we pay respects to the fallen.
I dearly hop someone in WWE today is arranging for a fruit basket, a medal of honor, a raise, and a note of apology to Alexa Bliss.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Arrow: "Lian Yu" (5/24)

You're telling me NONE of those pockets have zip ties?
I watched this on Thursday and have been waiting to see if I'm any less angry about it before I write about it. And that's not happening.