|LIKE A BOSS|
Sunday, December 10, 2017
|Captain Condom to the rescuuuuue!|
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
|I admit, he’s a bit of an off brand Star Lord/Han Solo, but still.|
|Quite a few of these class photo moments over the four hours.|
I thought Crisis On Earth X turned out pretty good, and then I watched the two-part opening to Agents of SHIELD and I realized I was grading on a curve. But that’s another post.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
|It’s A T Party|
Pretty dull week, but that’s to be expected. Smackdown is getting ready for a pretty weak Clash of Champions, looking like it’s going to feature Styles-Mahal, Corbin-Roode, Uso’s/Gabenjamin, and Charlotte/Natalya. Raw is spinning its wheels until the Rumble. Events Of Minor Significance:
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
|It’s The Punisher and his beard.... and Karen Page.|
|THE WHITEST COLLAR CRIME.|
Thursday, November 23, 2017
|Even dumber than it looks, and boy, does it look dumb.|
|Somehow, he’d never had one of these before.|
|DOUBLE MIDNIGHT HOUR!|
Saturday, November 18, 2017
|The fake fights all just got fake fightier|
|The only way to win predictions is not to make predictions.|
|Team Blue Stands Only Sorta United|
Sunday, November 12, 2017
|You’re lucky he was here, episode of Arrow.|
I completely forgot to write about last week’s Arrow, because last week’s Arrow was mediocre and dull. I can barely remember what it was about. Google confirms my suspicion it was the one with the hacker friend and the Room Where The Entire Internet Lives, which explains why I wanted to block it out.
|I could have told you this was a good idea months ago.|
The Reign Of Jinder Mahal Is Over For Now
AJ Styles defeated hi on Smackdown this week to claim the WWE CHampionship. He should be the champion. Jinder shouldn’t. AJ can wrestle and put on good matches with people, Jinder can’t. Nobody gives a shit about Jinder-Lesnar at Survival Series, everyone’s excited about AJ-Lesnar. BUT. All of this was a weird unplanned last minute decision by Vince, according to reports. They don’t know what they’re doing or why they’re doing it and this time they happened to land on something I approve of. It undercuts Mahal’s pretty good reasoning for wanting to fight Lesnar in the first place, and will probably require AJ to drop the title to Mahal before or during the next tour of India. So it’s a mess.
The Bar Defeats The Shield
In a more interesting twist I didn’t see coming until I saw headlines on the Internet before I had a chance to watch the show, Sheamus and Cesaro took the titles from Rollins and Ambrose thanks to New Dayfereence, setting up what has got to be a three on three match between The Shield and The New Day for Survivor Series. We get Bar-Usos out of it, which should be great, and Shield-New Day should be OK even if The Shield are gonna win.
Jack Gallagher Finally Has Heel Entrance Music
Only I care about this, but I’m glad it finally happened.
Becky Lynch defeats James Ellsworth In An INtergender Match
No, this wasn’t Ivelisse vs. Mil Muertes for the Lucha Underground Title. It was maybe 1% of that. WWE has a long way to go if it ever wants to make actual, legit intergender pro wrestling a reality, and this match, dubbed “Battle of the Sexes”, featuring one of their strongest women against the weakest man in all professional wrestling, didn’t help much. If Becky had beaten the shit out of him and squashed him, fine, but that’s not what happened, so... fuck them.
Finn Balor and Samoa Joe are on the Raw Survivor Series Team
And they HATE EACH OTHER.
Auka and Sasha Banks are on the Raw Survivor Series Team
And Bayley isn’t, and if the rumors about Paige are true, won’t be.
John Cena Is On The Smackdown Survivor Series Team
Pete Dunne Beat The Shit Out Of Enzo Amore
Didn’t mean anything, but I enjoyed watching it!
Jason Jordon is the Fifth Member of the Raw Men’s Team at Survivor Series
I’m not turning on Jason Jordon, who I’ve always liked, but WWE is doing him no favors with any of this.
Saturday, November 4, 2017
|You know you’re gonna go anyway.|
Friday, November 3, 2017
|STOP MAKING ME WATCH YOU WRESTLE.|
The nice thing about the build for Survivor Series and its accompanying NXT Takeover is that there’s a lot of building to do because all the matches are so weird. So a goodly number of Events Of Significance this week.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
|That’s some fuckin’ art design right there.|
I am only sort of kind of a Mario guy.
I wasn’t into Nintendo during the golden age of the NES and SNES. I did hanve an N65, but don’t think I really played much Mario 64 on it. I had Mario Sunshine on the GameCube because it was obligatory, but never got hugely into it.
Then Super Mario Galaxy came out for the Wii, and I ate that shit UP. Just obsessed over it. Love everything about it to this day - the 3D gameplay, the level design, and most importantly, the way the game handled difficulty. The main mode provided a nice, light difficulty level. And then there were optional challenges that ramped the difficulty all the way up to holy shit nutballs. So you could beat the game, and do most everything, without being great at it, but if you wanted to do EVERYTHING, you had to develop some skills or devote time or both. I did EVERYTHING.
Mario Galaxy 2 was more of the same, but that was OK, because I loved the same.
Then, on the WiiU, we got the 2D New Super Mario games, and Super mario 3D World, and I liked them fine, but they didn’t do that thing Mario Galaxy did for me, and I don’t think I ever beat either one.
Super Mario Odyssey is way, way better than Super Mario Galaxy.
I’m serious. This game is fucking astonishingly good. It takes everything that was great about Super Mario Galaxy, adds in the open world lessons learned on Breath of the Wild, adds dozens upon dozens of new tricks, and wraps them all up in a package that’s pure, unmitigated joy.
It’s not an open world game in the sense of Zelda, of course. It’s broken up into smaller, themed open worlds that vary in size. I’ve just about wrapped up the second of the non-introductory ones, and they have that same thing Zelda has where you aren’t punished for exploration. Go off in a direction, you’ll find something. Play around. Experiment. Maybe you’ll die. If you die, you’ll lose ten coins and go back to your last checkpoint. No biggie. Load times are fast enough that you’re not punished that way, either.
All the exploration comes in the service of two collectables - Power Moons are similar to the stars in Mario Galaxy. You need about a third of the available ones in the game to progress. The rest are granted by stumbling across or seeking out challenges to complete or just hidden spots to find. The first two “real” levels I completed had 61 and 51 of these moons respectively, not counting some apparent bonus ones achieved in other ways like secret exits and entrances to the worlds.
There’s a lot to do, but the game makes it relatively easy to do it. You can learn the titles of the challenges for free, two at a time, from a character in each level. Once you’ve cleared the story missions in a world, you can access map markers for challenges either by tapping an Amiibo and doing other stuff for five minutes, or paying 50 coins to a Toad. Between these two things, you can find probably 90% of the callenges on your own. The rest you may need to look up on the Innternet for convenience, just because the levels have a LOT of... well, levels to them. So an X on a 2-D map doesn’t always tell you where to go with any degree of precision. There are also a few thingsthe game doesn’t make 100% clear are among its hundreds of mechanics, like hanging your hat on shit.
I haven’t mentioned the hat yet, even though it’s the primary game mechanic and the whole point of the game. Basically, you use the hat to take over the bodies of enemies and objects to either solve puzzles or give yourself new navigational abilities or both. It’s Tanooki Suit turned up to a billion.
Controls, even the motion ones, are mostly seamless so far. Graphics are fantastic, gameplay is fantastic, everything is fantastic. This is what video games should be.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
|MUMPS DESERVES IT! (CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP)|
Thanks, mumps! Don’t get me wrong, diseases are bad and people shouldn’t get them, but there’s no denying replacing Bray Wyatt with AJ Styles improved this show greatly, and replacing Roman Reigns with Kurt Angle made it more interesting. Plus, I’m apparently way more in sync with Raw booking than I am Smackdown booking.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Fuck this show.
Friday, October 20, 2017
|Thanks to Wikipedia basing their info on tapings rather than airings, I knew this was gonna happen at some point.|
|If you like tables, ladders, and chairs, one of these eight matches is for you!|
Sunday, October 15, 2017
|ALREADY OLD THANKS ARROW|
Thursday, October 12, 2017
|That’s how you fix a brain!|
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
|No, really. They showed THIS to people in IMAX.|
No, wait. That’s not accurate. Think about garbage. Then think of whatever garbage temperature you personally find the most appealing. Inhumans is the opposite temperature of that.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
|Woods really shone in this match.|
Hell In A Cell broke with WWE pay-per-view tradition by starting well, ending OK, and being mostly shit in the middle. My predictions were awful, but in at least a couple cases, wrong because of exciting new directions for characters who needed them.
Saturday, October 7, 2017
|What everyone wants to see. Middle management in a cage.|
Chad Gable & Shelton Benjamin vs Hype Bro (Kickoff)
Assuming they bother to care, Gable and Benjamin’s story is that of the overenthusiastic fanboy and the cranky older dude, presumably leading to a turn and a breakup. That’s not going to happen here. Gable and Benjamin will just win. Maybe the Hype Bros will break up, because they’ve been teasing that too like anyone gives a shit.
Bobby Roode vs Dolph Ziggler
This is one of those tough to call matches because it depends on whether or not they’re committed to this as a feud going forward or if it’s just a time killer. IN the case of the former, Ziggler wins, the latter, ROode wins. Roode should win here because Ziggler’s new thing is stupid and tedious, but the WWE loves committing to stupid and tedious, so I’ll say Ziggler wins and they do this for at least two more PPVs.
Randy Orton vs Rusev
Having b et on Randy Orton once in 2017, I am legally and ethically prohibited from doing so again, because fuuuuuuuuuck Randeh. Rusev wins and I get this wrong.
WWE United States Championship: Baron Corbin vs AJ Styles (c)
Please. They’re not taking the belt off Styles. He retains, regardless of the match finish.
Hell In A Cell (SmackDown Tag Team Championship): The Usos vs The New Day (c)
This is the end of the current New Day / Usos run, and I don’t see any way the New Day doesn’t come out on to, even though the next logical contenders are Breezango, who are faces.
SmackDown Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair vs Natalya (c)
OK, we gave Natty a title run, that’s fine, now ut the belt on Charlotte where it belongs. Charlotte wins.
Hell In A Cell: Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens
Kevin Owens should win, but he stood tall on Smackdown this week and Shane McMahon is Shane McMahon, so McMahon will win and I will be sad.
WWE Championship: Shinsuke Nakamura vs Jinder Mahal (c)
Mahal got the upper hand on Nakamura on Smackdown, and it’s long past time for Mahal to go back to the midcard, because he’s shown me nothing as champ that makes me want to see this much of him. Nakamura gets the belt, and hopefully a long run.
Friday, September 29, 2017
|This is the friendiest image from this match I can post.|
|OK, fine. This gets a pass. Barely.|
|Thank you for that, Nia Jax.|
Saturday, September 23, 2017
|SPOILER ALERT: There will probably be some mercy.k|
Elias vs. Apollo Crews (Kickoff Show)
No idea why this is happening, but I have to alssume Elias will win because he’s on TV every week and Apollo Crews is an afterthought these days.
Neville vs. Enzo Amore (Cruiserweight Championship)
Man, three weeks ago I was prepared for Enzo to win despite the issues around his in-ring performance, but the last three weeks have taken away the one thing he brought to 205 Live - his incredibly popular persona. At this point, it’s a tossup, but fuck it, I’ve bet against Neville and lost a lot this year. Neville retains.
Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt
Bray Wyatt is wrestling at a PPV. The story is that Balor can’t beat him without The Demon. So Balor will beat him without the Demon.
The Miz vs. Jason Jordan (Intercontinental Championship)
This is the start of an IC program with The Miz, so The Miz will win via interference from the Miztourage, Maryse, or both.
Shield At 67% Vs The Bar (Tag Team Championship)
I don’t see Ambrose and Rollins dropping the belts or breaking up or turning on each other yet. I also don’t see Sheamus and Cesaro getting another run with the belts. Shield retains.
Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma vs. Bayley (Women’s Championship)
Everyone Not Mickie James In The Pool! It’s almost guaranteed that whoever wins the title will hold it only to be destroyed by Asuka when she debuts. So it’s going to be a heel, which rules out Sasha and Bayley, and it rules out Nia, who would need to be protected from Asuka for a while longer. Which leaves Alexa retaining or Emma pulling off a surprise win. Emma winning would be perfect long-term planning, but since we know from Sasha banks that doesn’t exist in the women’s division, Alexa retains.
John Cena vs. Roman Reigns
The only way this makes any sense is for Reigns to win and earn Cena’s respect, which is meaningless to either of their characters but what the hell. Reigns wins.
Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman (Universal Championship)
I firmly believe, at this point, that they’re gonna keep the belt on Brock as long as they’re paying Brock. Brock hits the F5 on Strowman and retains.
|Never a great week when this gets the top spot.|
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Sunday, September 17, 2017
|And she can't come soon enough.|
Asuka: Coming Soon To Raw
The most exciting thing in the entire three hours of Raw was an ad promoting Asuka's debut. THat's how exciting Raw was this week.
Kevin Owens Beats The Shit Out Of Vince
Vince McMahon, the good guy, threatens to fire his employee, Kevin Owens, the bad guy, if Owens proceeds with his lawsuit over management beating him up. Instead, it's Owens-Shane at Hell In A Cell, a match Owens seems briefly and inexplicably afraid of, before extracting a promise from Vince of no repercussions when he "beats a McMahon senseless". This goes badly when Owens beats a McMahon senseless, including a headbutt, some punches, and a frog splash (!)). I'm always uncomfortable watching old people bump, and ither intentionally, or because of Vince's many, many blade jobs over the decades, he bled on Smackdown, but it was one of the best things to happen to Owens' character in a long time, even if the match with Shane won't be.
Jack Gallagher Turns Heel
I shouldn't like this, but I do. After getting his ass inexplicably beat by Brian Kendrick last week in their street fight, Gallagher came out during the Kendrick-Alexander main event ostensibly to get revenge on Kendrick and save Alexander from Kendrick's cheating. Instead, he beast the ever-loving hell out of Alexander and shakes Kendrick's hand. This would be even better if there were a Cruiserweight Tag Team belt for them to win. But in a show that's largely stagnant and filled with things even I can't give a shit about, this is a welcome change.
The New Day Wins Back The Belts
The Sin City Street Fight, like pretty much every UsosNew Day match this year, was hellaciously entertaining. New Day picks up the semi-surprise win. I've seen the stories that they want the New Day to set the Most Titles tag team record in addition to the Longest Reign, which is fine by me, but they don't seem to be stretching it out at all. This is good for these two teams but not great for the rest of the SD tag division, which is foundering while all this goes on.
A Nikki Cross Faceish Turn?
To go along with Sanity being the sorta faces when they beat Authors of Pain for the titles, this week, Nikki Cross became Ruby Riot's impromptu tag partner in what started as a handicap match with Billie Kay and Peyton Royce. And she did it in the most Nikki Cross way possible, because Nikki Cross is awesome.
OK, Jinder, I'll Give You That One
About halfway through a usual "mock your opponent" promo that was falling flat as Jinder Mahal said some mildly racist shit about Shinsuke Nakamura, he stopped, and told Nakamura why he shouldn't even want to be champion, because the fans will be just as racist to Nakamura as they've been to Jinder. It's actually a really good point. Not entirely accurate, but a solid heel argument.
That's A Lot Of Pipe Bombsd
WWE seems to think that we want lots of promos that acknowledge the alleged reality of behind the scenes perceptions and drama, so now The MIz and Enzo Amore are talking about Enzo's backstage antics that Internet rumors say make everyone hate him in real life. I mean, it's The Miz and Enzo cutting promos, so it didn't suck, but in three weeks we've had this plus three Cena-Reigns fake-shoot promos with maybe a little real shoot in them. That's too many.