Fuck this show.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Friday, October 20, 2017
|Thanks to Wikipedia basing their info on tapings rather than airings, I knew this was gonna happen at some point.|
|If you like tables, ladders, and chairs, one of these eight matches is for you!|
Sunday, October 15, 2017
|ALREADY OLD THANKS ARROW|
Thursday, October 12, 2017
|That’s how you fix a brain!|
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
|No, really. They showed THIS to people in IMAX.|
No, wait. That’s not accurate. Think about garbage. Then think of whatever garbage temperature you personally find the most appealing. Inhumans is the opposite temperature of that.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
|Woods really shone in this match.|
Hell In A Cell broke with WWE pay-per-view tradition by starting well, ending OK, and being mostly shit in the middle. My predictions were awful, but in at least a couple cases, wrong because of exciting new directions for characters who needed them.
Saturday, October 7, 2017
|What everyone wants to see. Middle management in a cage.|
Chad Gable & Shelton Benjamin vs Hype Bro (Kickoff)
Assuming they bother to care, Gable and Benjamin’s story is that of the overenthusiastic fanboy and the cranky older dude, presumably leading to a turn and a breakup. That’s not going to happen here. Gable and Benjamin will just win. Maybe the Hype Bros will break up, because they’ve been teasing that too like anyone gives a shit.
Bobby Roode vs Dolph Ziggler
This is one of those tough to call matches because it depends on whether or not they’re committed to this as a feud going forward or if it’s just a time killer. IN the case of the former, Ziggler wins, the latter, ROode wins. Roode should win here because Ziggler’s new thing is stupid and tedious, but the WWE loves committing to stupid and tedious, so I’ll say Ziggler wins and they do this for at least two more PPVs.
Randy Orton vs Rusev
Having b et on Randy Orton once in 2017, I am legally and ethically prohibited from doing so again, because fuuuuuuuuuck Randeh. Rusev wins and I get this wrong.
WWE United States Championship: Baron Corbin vs AJ Styles (c)
Please. They’re not taking the belt off Styles. He retains, regardless of the match finish.
Hell In A Cell (SmackDown Tag Team Championship): The Usos vs The New Day (c)
This is the end of the current New Day / Usos run, and I don’t see any way the New Day doesn’t come out on to, even though the next logical contenders are Breezango, who are faces.
SmackDown Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair vs Natalya (c)
OK, we gave Natty a title run, that’s fine, now ut the belt on Charlotte where it belongs. Charlotte wins.
Hell In A Cell: Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens
Kevin Owens should win, but he stood tall on Smackdown this week and Shane McMahon is Shane McMahon, so McMahon will win and I will be sad.
WWE Championship: Shinsuke Nakamura vs Jinder Mahal (c)
Mahal got the upper hand on Nakamura on Smackdown, and it’s long past time for Mahal to go back to the midcard, because he’s shown me nothing as champ that makes me want to see this much of him. Nakamura gets the belt, and hopefully a long run.
Friday, September 29, 2017
|This is the friendiest image from this match I can post.|
|OK, fine. This gets a pass. Barely.|
|Thank you for that, Nia Jax.|
Saturday, September 23, 2017
|SPOILER ALERT: There will probably be some mercy.k|
Elias vs. Apollo Crews (Kickoff Show)
No idea why this is happening, but I have to alssume Elias will win because he’s on TV every week and Apollo Crews is an afterthought these days.
Neville vs. Enzo Amore (Cruiserweight Championship)
Man, three weeks ago I was prepared for Enzo to win despite the issues around his in-ring performance, but the last three weeks have taken away the one thing he brought to 205 Live - his incredibly popular persona. At this point, it’s a tossup, but fuck it, I’ve bet against Neville and lost a lot this year. Neville retains.
Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt
Bray Wyatt is wrestling at a PPV. The story is that Balor can’t beat him without The Demon. So Balor will beat him without the Demon.
The Miz vs. Jason Jordan (Intercontinental Championship)
This is the start of an IC program with The Miz, so The Miz will win via interference from the Miztourage, Maryse, or both.
Shield At 67% Vs The Bar (Tag Team Championship)
I don’t see Ambrose and Rollins dropping the belts or breaking up or turning on each other yet. I also don’t see Sheamus and Cesaro getting another run with the belts. Shield retains.
Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma vs. Bayley (Women’s Championship)
Everyone Not Mickie James In The Pool! It’s almost guaranteed that whoever wins the title will hold it only to be destroyed by Asuka when she debuts. So it’s going to be a heel, which rules out Sasha and Bayley, and it rules out Nia, who would need to be protected from Asuka for a while longer. Which leaves Alexa retaining or Emma pulling off a surprise win. Emma winning would be perfect long-term planning, but since we know from Sasha banks that doesn’t exist in the women’s division, Alexa retains.
John Cena vs. Roman Reigns
The only way this makes any sense is for Reigns to win and earn Cena’s respect, which is meaningless to either of their characters but what the hell. Reigns wins.
Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman (Universal Championship)
I firmly believe, at this point, that they’re gonna keep the belt on Brock as long as they’re paying Brock. Brock hits the F5 on Strowman and retains.
|Never a great week when this gets the top spot.|
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Sunday, September 17, 2017
|And she can't come soon enough.|
Asuka: Coming Soon To Raw
The most exciting thing in the entire three hours of Raw was an ad promoting Asuka's debut. THat's how exciting Raw was this week.
Kevin Owens Beats The Shit Out Of Vince
Vince McMahon, the good guy, threatens to fire his employee, Kevin Owens, the bad guy, if Owens proceeds with his lawsuit over management beating him up. Instead, it's Owens-Shane at Hell In A Cell, a match Owens seems briefly and inexplicably afraid of, before extracting a promise from Vince of no repercussions when he "beats a McMahon senseless". This goes badly when Owens beats a McMahon senseless, including a headbutt, some punches, and a frog splash (!)). I'm always uncomfortable watching old people bump, and ither intentionally, or because of Vince's many, many blade jobs over the decades, he bled on Smackdown, but it was one of the best things to happen to Owens' character in a long time, even if the match with Shane won't be.
Jack Gallagher Turns Heel
I shouldn't like this, but I do. After getting his ass inexplicably beat by Brian Kendrick last week in their street fight, Gallagher came out during the Kendrick-Alexander main event ostensibly to get revenge on Kendrick and save Alexander from Kendrick's cheating. Instead, he beast the ever-loving hell out of Alexander and shakes Kendrick's hand. This would be even better if there were a Cruiserweight Tag Team belt for them to win. But in a show that's largely stagnant and filled with things even I can't give a shit about, this is a welcome change.
The New Day Wins Back The Belts
The Sin City Street Fight, like pretty much every UsosNew Day match this year, was hellaciously entertaining. New Day picks up the semi-surprise win. I've seen the stories that they want the New Day to set the Most Titles tag team record in addition to the Longest Reign, which is fine by me, but they don't seem to be stretching it out at all. This is good for these two teams but not great for the rest of the SD tag division, which is foundering while all this goes on.
A Nikki Cross Faceish Turn?
To go along with Sanity being the sorta faces when they beat Authors of Pain for the titles, this week, Nikki Cross became Ruby Riot's impromptu tag partner in what started as a handicap match with Billie Kay and Peyton Royce. And she did it in the most Nikki Cross way possible, because Nikki Cross is awesome.
OK, Jinder, I'll Give You That One
About halfway through a usual "mock your opponent" promo that was falling flat as Jinder Mahal said some mildly racist shit about Shinsuke Nakamura, he stopped, and told Nakamura why he shouldn't even want to be champion, because the fans will be just as racist to Nakamura as they've been to Jinder. It's actually a really good point. Not entirely accurate, but a solid heel argument.
That's A Lot Of Pipe Bombsd
WWE seems to think that we want lots of promos that acknowledge the alleged reality of behind the scenes perceptions and drama, so now The MIz and Enzo Amore are talking about Enzo's backstage antics that Internet rumors say make everyone hate him in real life. I mean, it's The Miz and Enzo cutting promos, so it didn't suck, but in three weeks we've had this plus three Cena-Reigns fake-shoot promos with maybe a little real shoot in them. That's too many.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
|THANK YOU ASUKA!|
|Moooope mope mope mope mope mooooooope.|
|Not what I wanted, not how I wanted it.|
Monday, September 4, 2017
|Yeah, it's from the previous episode, but nothing here was this awesome.|
|Still think the pirate thing is a bad idea but it's growing on me.|
|This, of course, was about to go badly for Alexa.|
Alexa Bliss Is The Women's Champion, Nia Jax Turns On Her
Bliss beat Sasha in a hell of a match, but once again, extra title hotshotting back and forth. I suppose they gotta get in what they can before Asuka comes in in a couple months and destroys everyone forever. Post-match, Nia turns on Bliss, making her sort of a face now? The women's division is kind of a mess booking-wise.
Someone Check To See If Roman Reigns Is OK
Because holy fuck did John Cena light him up on the mic at their contract signing. Their match at No Mercy is official, by the way. I don't know if it was scripted. I don't know if ti was even planned. But when Cena hit Reigns with "I'm still here because you can't do your job.", it felt like a palpable hit.
Of course, one of the reasons Cena promo battles feel like shoots is because he no-sells the offense of every opponent. I mean, he's not wrong that his opponents have brought the same three pre-scripted arguments against him for the last three to five years, but at the same time, they've backed themselves into a corner. What can anyone say to John Cena at this point that will get him mad? That will hurt his pride? His feelings? Because nothing Roman brought did the trick, but someone's going to have to, someday, even if John Cena has to pull out his acting skills to sell it.
Some Shit Happened On NXT:
Basically, there's drama around the world title. Drew McIntyre has it. Roderick Strong wants it. Cole, Fish, and O'Reilly want to beat up everyone until Cole gets it. Meanwhile, Roode and Strong had their grudge match where Roddy went over strong and the whole thing was great. Then McIntyre came out to point at Roddy and got beat up by Future Shock or whatever they are. Also, Heavy Machinery had a squash match and they're starting to push Lars Sullivan, who now had "Leviathan" as part of his name.
Kevin Owens Is Angry
As predicted, Owens messed with Sami Zayn this week, directing his anger towards SHane McMahon to interfering in Zayn's nothing match against Aiden English. Crazed Anger Owens is fun, at least.
Enzo Amore Defeats Noam Dar
A Noam Dar cruiserweight match in the first hour of Raw wouldn't normally make the list, but it was Enzo Amore's cruiserweight division debut. The good news is, having Enzo in the ring immediately ups the attention the crowd is paying to the match, and thus, the heel heet Dar drew from beating on him and mocking him.
The bad news is, even Enzo couldn't get the crowd to react to the news he was on 205 Live, and this match isn't going to do anything to sooth the nerves of people who think Enzo can't fucking wrestle. He won with the same finisher one of th Mae Young competitors uses, and without some setup or a name or something, it's not much of a finisher.
Brian Kendrick Beat Jack Gallagher For Some Reason
This was cool, but I don[t know how a clean win over Gallagher after Gallagher spent the first half of the match beating him like a British Terminator furthers the story or the feud. I guess we'll see.
It Still Sucks To Be Baron Corbin
All he got to do this week was get upstaged by Tye Dillinger during the US Open Challenge. Oh, and get namechecked by Natalya, threatening to make Carmella "the female Baron Corbin". Ouch.
Jeff Hardy Challenges Miz for IC Next Week
He won a Battle Royal by eliminating Jason JOrdan, Miz's likely opponent at No Mercy. Nice swerve, actually. I think everyone was expecting Jordan to win. Also, as a result of this battle royal, we know Finn Balor and Bray Wyatt are still feuding, and we're not happy about it.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
|So, That Hpapened|
Because the spoiler situation was getting out of hand, I just barreled through episodes 3-8 of The Defenders yeseterday. It's all a bit of a blur, but here's what I think.
Sunday, August 27, 2017
|Hugs and drugs.|
|I'M KIND OF A BIG DEAL|
|Hop on board the soul train.|
Monday, August 21, 2017
Saturday, August 19, 2017
|This photo clearly taken sometime after Episode 2.|
Anyway, Episode 1 is basically Where Are They Now, and episode 2 is They Start Getting Together. It's a bit odd that we're 25% of the way through an eight episode show and we still haven't gotten to the part where they meet up in a Chinese restaurant and Stick tells them what's going on, but this is Netflix Marvel, the land of deliberate pacing.
|This ends badly.|
|Least inspiring one yet...|
Sunday, August 13, 2017
Friday, August 11, 2017
|First the Punjabi Prison, now this.|