Sunday, April 23, 2017

Iron FIst: "The Mistress Of All Agonies

That was better, although, once again, largely because it couldn't have been worse.

Iron Fist: "The Blessings Of Many Fractures"

Yeah, they wish many fractures had blessings, because that episode was fractured as fuck. It was jacked up. It was the single biggest dumpster fire of the show to date, which is saying something.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

NXT (4/19)

Ten! Ten! Ten losses, one win!
Good news, everyone! NXT has a new theme, and has gone from having the best theme (I know, low bar) of all the WWE shows to the worst. It's fucking awful. It's like Kid Rock's cousin fucked a Hot Topic dumpster.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

205 Live (4/18)

Best Thing on a Bad Episode
I know I've been bad, and blown off covering 205 Live and NXT for a couple of weeks, but the same four storylines have just been playing out. And since they all advanced or culminated this week, I can talk about all of them and it's like you didn't miss anything.

Brian Kendrick and Akira Tozawa have been the best thing on 205 Live for a while now, and one of the best things in all of WWE. Until two weeks ago, Kendrick had been teaching Tozawa a series of heel "lessons" that involved Tozawa getting fooled or beaten up.

So, three episodes ago, the tables turned, with Tozawa beating Kendrick by faking a knee injury, then tricking Kendrick into losing to Mustafa Ali by sneaking in and ringing the ring bell to make Kendrick drop his submission before Ali tapped. It's a great story, and that's why I'm giving this week's sub-par installment a pass, because Tozawa distracting Kendrick so Tony Nese could hit Kendrick from behind over Kendrick costing Nese the match with Tozawa is not the best or most logical way to play out the "have eyes in the back of your head" lesson.

In other news, I think, hope, pray that the Noam Dar / Rich Swann / Alicia Fox thing is over, as this week saw Fox dump Dar and Swann reveal that the whole thing was just revenge on Fox for dumping Cedric Alexander. Go, angle, and never darken my door again.

Drew Gulak continues his quest to stop dangerous high-flying on the dangerous high-flying show, and now he has a protest sign and a bullhorn because I guess CJ Parker hasn't needed them for a year and a half so let's try this again, folks!

Oh, almost forgot. TJ Perkins is evil now. He got Sithed by Neville a week or two ago. He's helping beat up Austin Aries before the rematch at Payback. If you're feeling neither positively nore negatively towards this news, that's appropriate.

Smackdown Live (4/18)

OK, I guess?
The highlight, and inexplicably not the main event, of this week's Smackdown was a six-pack challenge to determine the #1 contender to Randy Orton's WWE Championship, in another move that makes me wonder if the US Title and WWE Titles are swtiching places, with the WWE Title being the secondary belt.

We all know Randy Orton's going to retain, assuming the Payback match is even for the title anymore, which I guess it is but they never mention it. So none of the three faces in the match (Sami Zayn, Luke Harper, or Mojo Fucking Rawley) were going to win. That left Dolph Ziggler (nope), Jinder Mahal (what), and Erick Rowan as the heels. I figured it'd go to Rowan to follow on with the Wyatt Family thing, but no, thanks to the help of the maybe called up, maybe guest starring Bollywood Boyz, Jinder Mahal earned the right to lose to Orton at Backlash in May.

Now, I could get behind this. An Indian heel stable with Mahal at the helm? There are worse ideas. ANd WWE implemented two of them. First, by having Mahal call himself "THE MAHARAJA", because really, WWE? And second, having him be from a rich famil, a trope stolen from generations of Arab wrestlers, some of whom, as you'll see on 205, are apparently still using it. Ugh.

Charlotte, meanwhile, became the #1 contender by beating Naomi clean in a non-title match while the other heels in the SDWD executed Natalya's brilliant plan of staring at her backstage twice. Good plan, Natty, Carmella, and Tamina. That'll really teach her to come in and be better than you.

The Shining Stars are now "The Colons", so I assume when Primo and Epico wrestle in singles matches, they'll be "The Semicolons". ZINGO! Anyway, they beat American Alpha to make us try to forget tje ;ast twp uears pf timeshare-shilling jobbing and it's not really working yet.

Kevin Owens beat Local Talent in a US Title Open Challenge, and in the main event, AJ Styles beat Baron Corbin in a decent match over them being mad at each other from the AUS Title A#1 Contender's match last week. See what I mean about the WWE belt being the midcard belt? And that's it.  couple video packages for Nakamura and Dillinger and that somehow filled two hours of show. Not very interestingly.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Monday Night Raw (4/17)

Yeah, we were due.
It's kind of weird to have an entire episode of Raw be mediocre and boring so that the big thing at the end seems even more spectacular, but the thing at the end happens so deep in the overrun that my DVR couldn't get it and I had to watch it on the Internet instead.

Agents Of SHIELD: "No Regrets"

Patriotism ain't what it used to be. 
Spoilers after the break, because it can't really be avoided.