Hell In A Cell 2017

Woods really shone in this match.

Hell In A Cell broke with WWE pay-per-view tradition by starting well, ending OK, and being mostly shit in the middle. My predictions were awful, but in at least a couple cases, wrong because of exciting new directions for characters who needed them.


Chad Gable & Shelton Benjamin vs Hype Bro (Kickoff): Gable and Benjamin will just win. Maybe the Hype Bros will break up

Smackdown’s Golden Truth are still together, for now, but the seeds of the inevitable and also pointless breakup of the Hype Bros went as predicted. The match was really good, though - definitely a cut above what either team’s been allowed to do on Smackdown lately. Even Rawley wan’t that annoying. (1/1)

Hell In A Cell (SmackDown Tag Team Championship): The Usos vs The New Day (c): I don’t see any way the New Day doesn’t come out on top.

Surprisingly, the Usos became five-time tag champs to open the show. Less surprisingly, the match was amazing. Heavy on kendo sticks and drama. Also, all the points in the world to Xavier Woods for hitting a gong early in the match (because of course there was a gong under the ring, why not?) and yelling IT HAS BEGUN! Just a fantastic match all around, and I don’t mind being wrong. (1/2)

Randy Orton vs Rusev: Rusev wins and I get this wrong.

Yeah yeah. Don’t case. Not gonna bet on Orton unless it’s absolutely necessary. Match was slow, tedious garbage, although I’d have loved to see Rusev’s final move - trying to reverse Orton’s stupid mat slap into the Accolade, actually work. (1/3)

WWE United States Championship: Baron Corbin vs AJ Styles (c): Styles retains, regardless of the match finish.

This shouldn’t count as a missed prediction, since they added Tye Dillinger and made it a triple threat and Corbin stole a pin from Styles to take the championship. But after I heard about the addition I thought Styles was still gonna win, and Dillinger was just there to eat the pin and protect Corbin. Great match until the finish. (1/4)

SmackDown Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair vs Natalya (c): Charlotte wins.

The bad news is, Natalya retained via DQ. The good news is, I’m much happier with Natalya as the completely insane, violent champion who will pound the shit out of your knee with a steel chair to keep you from taking her title. (1/5)

WWE Championship: Shinsuke Nakamura vs Jinder Mahal (c): Nakamura gets the belt, and hopefully a long run.

NOPE! I am so fucking sick of Jinder Mahal. The novelty of the former jobber getting the championship is long over. He hasn’t had a watchable match... ever. If  he’s still hiding hidden depths of awesomenss, he’s an idiot for keeping them hidden. Now he’s beaten Nakamura TWICE, and this time it was sorta cleanish, and that’s just ridiculous. (1/6)

Bobby Roode vs Dolph Ziggler:I’ll say Ziggler wins and they do this for at least two more PPVs.

The feud will continue (sigh), because Roode won with a rollup and Ziggler attacked him after the match. (sigh). (1/7)

Hell In A Cell: Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens: so McMahon will win and I will be sad.

The good news is, this was way better paced than Shane-Taker in the Cell. The better news was, Owens won, and the best news is, Sami Zayn helped Owens beat Shane, which, you know, FINALLY. The bad news is, my No Mercy prediction karma came back to haunt me big time. (1/8)