Monday, May 1, 2017

WWE Payback

Now that's some branding.
This show was better than I thought it would be, in all honesty but it's still got that problem of like the last year of WWE programming where the top half of the card is a lot slower and duller than the bottom half. But the bottom half was good.

Pre-Show: Enzo & Cass vs. Anderson & Gallows: I'm gonna flip a coin and say Enzo and Cass win.

And hey, I won the coin flip. You've seen this match a few times before, but it was well eecuted except for some poor distance judging on one failed tag attempt. Anzo got a rollup on I think Anderson after Cass booted Gallows out of the Magic Killer position. (1/1)

US Championship: Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho:Owens wins, pussibly retiring Jericho for another nine months or so.

Or not! Either I've been worked by the rumors and Jericho's sticking around, or whatever happens to send him off and get the title off him will happen on Raw or Smackdown. Pretty good match with a great ending playing off Owens' finger moment at Mania. Also, both Jericho and Owens have new entrance graphics, and Owens' is AMAZING. (1/2)

Neville vs. Austin Aries, Cruiserweight Championship: Neville retains.

I said "retains", not "wins", so this is a correct prediction. Hot match, hot crowd, lots of great sequences, and it ended with Neville using the ref to break the Last Chancery to lose by disqualification and retain the title. Since the next Raw PPV is Extreme Rules, expect some kind of stipulation and an Aries victory. (2/3)

The Hardys vs. Cesaro and Sheamus, Raw Tag Championship: I'll go out on a limb and say Cesaro and Sheamus take the belts and break the hardyz.

Nope! In fact, they went the other way with it, and turned Cesaro and Sheamus heel. I don't know if this is because The Revival are out of action or what. Not a fan of the decision, because I don't think Cesaro makes a great heel and Sheamus as a heel is old as fuck. Maybe this will be what "breaks" the Hardys since Broken Hardys is gonna get face reactions? This is probably slso setting up a gimmick rematch for Extreme Rules. (2/4)

Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss, Raw Women's Championship: Bayley retains.

Wow. How much does WWE like people losing in their hometowns? So much so that Alexa won clean, for no real reason or continuation of the story, or any angle involving Sasha. Good for Alexa, who becomes the first woman to win belts on both shows, and a good, intense match, but I'm not sure there's any thought going into the women's division beyond that. (2/5)

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton, House of Horrors Match: That's all I need to bet against Randy Orton out of pure spite. Wyatt wins.

And indeed he does, but not before we're subjected to one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever seen - Randy Orton acting like he's in a direct to video horror movie. And the second dumbest thing I've ever seen, the rest of this stupid pile of garbage. Basically a hardcore match in a badly dressed, badly lit house some distance away from the arena, pre-taped and edited with spooky inserts and I think maybe even foleyed with punch sounds Or it's just how they were miked. Orton yells "WHERE YOU AT" like four thousand times..

Wyatt dumps a fridgeon Orton, crawls out to a car, and asks the driver to drive him to the arena, and the match takes a break for Rollins/Joe?! What the fuck? After a limo ride that lasts, convenienly, the length of Rollins-Joe plus one ad for the WWE Network, Wyatt arrives in the arena and does his entrance. And Randy Orton is here, somehow, having escaped from underneath the fridge and having called a fast Uber, I can only assume.Then we get a Singh Brothers run-in, two Jinder Mahal belt shots to the back of Orton's head, and a Sister Abigail to finish it. What a mess. , (3/6)

Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe: Joe wins through shenanigans and we get six more weeks of this.

I freely admit this was distracting, coming as it did in the middle of another match and all. Also, who cares, and also, the House of Horrors break murdered the crowd, and this isn't the match to get them back. Low stakes, not much build, and while I like JOe and am happy to see him getting the big money on the big stage in the back half of his career, the fact is that Joe's basically had one gear and wrestled one match since he joined WWE. And Rollins is right in line with frequent Joe opponents like Balor and Nakamura, which doesn't help. They put the work in, but don't get much out of it. Rollns won with a weird fluke cover, so I don't know what or why any of this match.  (3/7)

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman: I'm gonna say Strowman wins but the victory will be blamed on Roman's ambulance injuries.

Yep. Of course, even with Roman's "injuries", indicated by a heavily taped up chest and arm, it took a hellacious beating and two running powerslams to keep Reigns down because Reigns. Post-match, Strowman destroys Reigns a bit more with the steel steps, so it might be another couple of weeks before Reigns is back to 100%. Reigns refuses to be stretchered out, either out of bravery, fortitude, or fear that Strowman would ambulance-murder him again. Which in fact happens at the start of Raw Talk after the PPV - Strowman charges at Reigns who's getting into the back of the ambulance, knocks the back door off, and Reigns somehow manages to get the last hits in. Because Reigns. (4/8)

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