|The romantic tension is off the charts.|
We open with Jinder mahal in the Punjabi Prison, explaining the Punjabi Prison, because nobody remembers the Punjabi Prison. There are doors and timers and climbing. He's interrupted by Randy Orton, of course, and he says Randy Orton things while the crowd chants USA because Jinder is a brown foreigner.
Mike Kanellis has his first match, beating Sami Zayn thanks to Loveterference and a boring sitout driver. I do not know what either Kanellis brings to the mix at this point beyond the entrance song.
I thought I knew what Kofi Kingston brought to the table, but he busted out some serious new shit in his match against One Of The Usos, and it was super entertaining and fun to watch. Usos cheated to win, which does not bode well for their chances on Sunday.
John Cena loves America! Rusev hates John Cena! Flag match! Crowd chants USA some more because Rusev is a foreigner with a tan.
The women are wrestling each other to promote the women wrestling each other.
The Fashion X-Files didn't live up to my (admittedly high) expectations, but I could laugh at the phrease "The Truth Is Not H" for weeks to come, and Breeze as Scully is terrifyingly awesome.
In the Promote Two Singles Matches Tag Team Main Event, Kevin Owens pinned AJ Styles, ensuring his loss on Sunday, and Corbin and Nakamura maintained their air of mystery by being out of the ring when it happened.