PREDICTIONS: Great Balls Of Fire

Close enough.

Right. There's a PPV tomorrow. I'm still bummed from Lucha Underground totally demolishing my Group D bracket picks, but I suppose I should make some predictions for the Raw brand's most ridiculously named house show


Cruiserweight Title: Neville (c) vs. Akira Tozawa

I'm on record as hating this build and the Titus Worldwide involvement on nearly every level, but there's no denying this match will be good. Too good to be relegated to the kickoff show, as is the plan as far as I can tell. If the recently releaed Austin Aries couldn't win in three attempts, Tozwa won't win on his first. Neville retains, but probably via shenanigans and/or "losing" while keeping his belt.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt 

Never bet on Bray Wyatt winning a match at a PPV, especially against the WWE 2K18 cover boy. Rollins wins.

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass.

Big Cass wins, duh. HOW he wins will have a great deal to do with whether WWE knows what it's got in Enzo Amore or not.

Raw Tag Team Titles 30-Minute Iron Man Match: Sheamus & Cesaro (c) vs. The Hardy Boyz

I expect Cesaro and Sheamus to keep the belts, because Raw has no  tag division to speak of, so they'll probably continue the feud with some bullshit ending. I mean, the division is one face team and three heel teams, and of those three heel teams, one is milkcartoned (Gallows and Anderson) and one hasn't  wrestled since coming back from injury (Revival). I'd love for them to turn Revival face, since they were never really solidly established as heels, and have them be Shesaro's next feud, but don't bet on it.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz (c) vs. Dean Ambrose

Ugh, who cares. Can we get these two guys out of each other's fucking orbit for once? Can we use the IC title on actual midcarders, not guys like Miz and Ambrose who can pick fights with anyone over anything? I'm gonna say Miz retains just because there's no point in giving Ambrose the title and Miz has a Miztourage now.

Raw Women's Title: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks

There's no story with Banks winning. THe build has been lackluster and there's no real heat in the feud, though the match itself should be fantastic. Bliss retains.

Ambulance Match: Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns

This one's tough, because you never wanna bet against Roman Reigns, but you also never wanna bet against Braun Strowman, and so I'm gonna go with my eart and also the latest INternet rumors and pick Strowman to win.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Samoa Joe

I want Joe to win this so bad. It would be so great if Joe won this. But JOe is not going to win this. We'll be lucky if it's competitive. Lesnar wins.