Monday, July 24, 2017

Battleground 2017

Calling this show a hot mess would drastically overestimate the temperature of the mess.

Aiden English vs. Tye Dillinger (Pre-Show, I Presume):  Dillinger wins.

Oh, I guess these two are feuding now or something Dillinger "pays his dues" or something. Sigh. English won with a finisher that doesn't even have a name. (0/1)

The Usos vs. The New Day (Tag Team Championships): Usos retain somehow.

Fantastic match. I really had no idea which way it was going to go. I still don't know why this maqtch was here and not at Summerslam, but the New Day are now three time champs, so time to update the chant. (0/2)

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin: Let's say Nakamura. What the hell.

Well, that was disappointing on pretty much every level. It was sloppy, the two had no chemistry, there were two lengthy bear hug spots (my least favorite of all the submission holds), and it ended with Corbin getting disqualified for kicking Nakamura in the balls. At least I got the prediction right. (1/3)

Charlotte Flair vs. Lana vs. Tamina vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya (Women's Championship No. 1 Contender; Elimination): Charlotte wins.

Another mess, because the weak links in the match were Tamina and Lana, and most of the match focused on Tamina and Lana. Once things were down to Charlotte and Natalya, things picked up a bit, but it still wasn't great, and Natalya won with a weird "throw Charlotte into the bottom turnbuckle" thing that didn't feel like a finish. (1/4)

AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens (United States Championship): Styles retains

What is happening? This was fine as it went. I mean, these are two talented guys, but none of this match was particularly surprising until the weird, incomprehensible ending that saw Ownes pinning Styles unconvincingly. I can only assume this continues to Summerslam? (1/5)

John Cena vs. Rusev (Flag Match): Cena. Duh. 

Jesus, that was about three times as long as it needed to be. ll the plodding pace of an On A Pole match for the first... 40%? And then a slog up and down the entrance ramp for what seemed like an eternity. The finish was telegraphed a mile away, too. Hell, the crowd wasn't even super into it. But Cena won. (2/6)

Sami Zayn vs. Mike Kanelli: I'll say Kanellis and be wrong.

I was right about being wrong. This was just two guys killing time before the main event. (2/7)

Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship, Punjabi Prison): Fuck Randy Orton.

It sucked balls from start to finish with the exception of a couple of spots, and it took four dudes (Mahal, two Singhs, and a surprise return by Great Khali), but Randy Orton lost, so I'm happy. NOt as happy as if the show hadn't sucked, but happy nonetheless.(3/8)

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