Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (Raw)

They picked a good time to leave the country.
This wee's Raw is all about being in Scotland and naming Survivor Series teams.

Our very long, largely pointless opening promo introduces Seth Rollins as Men's Team Member #5, joining Reigns, Jericho, Owens, and Strohman in a "volatile" collection of dudes who beat each other up until Stephanie announces a five-way main event to get them to gel as a team?

The Cruisers have a weak tag match to introduce Scotland's Noam Dar and give Rich Swann a rollup pin on Kendrick. Post-match, Kendrick berates Dar in front of his hometown fans, then beats him up so that Dar can make a comeback and get the crowd to pop. IN other news, TJ Perkins may or may not have suffered an actual neck sprain from his bad landing on the apron last week.

Sami Zayn has a chat with Steph because apparently Sami Zayn accepted Dolph Ziggler's Intercontinental Championship challenge. Steph would rather it be Rusev, so she sets up Zayn-Rusev for the spot. Zayn's a great choice, Rusev less so. Not that either of them will be beating Ziggler. But the match with Zayn should be fun to watch.

Enzo and Cass are out. They're part of the tag team Survivor Series match, along with The Clerb, Golden Truth, Shesaro, and The New Day. Sheamus and Cesaro need to stop being surprised by their entrances interrupting each other. Anyway, Sheamus shits on the crowd for a bit. Enzo tells Sheamus he should be afraid of the sun, mirrors, little kids stealing his Lucky Charms, and dying alone, which is harsh as fuck. They all shit on each other for a bit before The New Day come out to save us from carefully crafted, badly timed insults. They're full Scottish, complete with Braveheart Big E and Francesca's Scottish cousin, Agnes, who is of course bagpipes.

This leads to a match between New Day and The Clerb, and apart from New Day wrestling in the kilts, it's a nothing match that Gallows and Anderson win after some light shenanigans and a Magic Killer.

Goldberg/Lesnar, by the way, is promoted via video throughout the show, because they're not gonna fly to fucking Scotland.

So for some reason we're going to get a mini-subplot about The Golden Truth and The Shining Stars arguing over who gets the fifth slot at Survivor Series. Right now the Stars have it after R-Truth stupidity and a shenanigans-based match. All this is doing for me is making me wonder why the hell Raw doesn't have five non-sucking tag teams in its division.

Now it's time for the announcement of the women's team. We know Charlotte, Bayley, and Nia Jax are on board. Alicia Fox is on the team, and reminds me of why nobody pays attention to Alicia Fox. Glasgow is apeshit for Bayley, to the extent that she can't get her promos out over the chants. Charlotte also can't get through the chants, but finally manages to introduce Dana Brooke as #5. But that ends up not being true, I guess? Because then Michael Cole introduces Sasha Banks as #5. I guess it's so they have six people out for a six-person tag match. Big stories out of the match are Charlotte "accidentally" kicking NIa Jax in the face and Bayley pinning Charlotte for the win.

Zayn-Rusev is next. Glasgow also loves Zayn, which is nice. Zayn wins with a Heluva Kick while Rusev is perched near the top rope.

The five way main event is decent enough. Lots of Strohman dominance until Seth Rollins powerbombs Jericho through Strohman and a table at the same time. This leads to a fun finish where Rollins hits the Pedigree on Jericho, gets kicked out of the ring by Owens, then Owens eats a Superman Punch, falls on Jericho, and accidentally pins him for the win.

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