PREDICTIONS: Royal Rumble 2018

SO. MANY. ENTRANCES.

Good thing I waited and they finally got around to announcing the kickoff matches. Let’s see if I can get some predictions right.


TJP, Jack Gallagher, and Drew Gulak vs. The Lucha Connection (Kickoff)

Meaningless match while they sort out the new status quo on 205 Live, so I’m going to give it tot heLuchadors.

Revival vs. Gallows and Anderson (Kickoff)

Gallows and Anderson are over, but they just beat and buried The Revival on Raw 25 so I’m going to say Revival gets their win back.

Booby Roode In An Open Challenge Totally Against Dolph Ziggler (Kickoff)I wait

If Ziggler’s coming back, the only way any of it works is if he takes the title off of ROode and sets up a future match. If for some reason its not Ziggler, then Roode will win.

The Usos vs. Gable/Benjamin (2/3 Falls, SD Tag Champs)

Chad Gable stood tall on Smackdown this week, so I’m going to predict the Usos retain. Because there are no credible heel challengers and because I think the Usos should win but Gable and Benjamin shouldn’t lose, I’m hoping for a weird finish that continues the feud through Fastlane.

Rollins and Jordan vs. The Bar (Raw Tag Champs)

Honestly, if it were up to me, I’d pull the trigger on a full Jordan heel turn and have him feud with Rollins and put on some good matches for a while. The Raw tag division still needs to get its shit together, though. Who challenges The Bar if they take the belts? I’m going to go with The Bar getting the belts anyway, fuck it.

AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn (Handicap, WWE CHamp)

AJ wins this. If there was any doubt, getting pinned by Zayn on Smackdown and getting generally beat up confirmed it. And there’s no way he’s not pinning Zayn to do it.

Brock Lesnar vs. Braun Strowman vs. Kane (Universal Champ)

Kane is in this match to eat the pin from Lesnar and protect Strowman because WWE wants Reigns to beat Lesnar at Mania and still thinks  people will like that. Lesnar wins and retains.

Women’s Royal Rumble Match

OK. I’m going to give myself a one in ten chance and pick three winners from each Rumble - if they go with a Raw winner, if they go with a Smackdown winner, and if they go with a wild card.

If it’s Raw, it’s gotta be Asuka. I think that’s the most likely outcome by far. For Smackdown, the only credible heel challenger to Charlotte at this point has to be Ruby Riott, so if they go that way, which I doubt, Riott’s my pick. And if they go wild card, well, there 4are all those Ronda Rousey rumors kicking around. But I bet it’ll be Asuka.

Men’s Royal Rumble Match:

This is a tough one. If it’s Raw, it’ll be Roman Reigns. I can’t stand the thought of Reigns winning another fucking Rumble and ruining another fucking Rumble and getting booed out of a smark town at another fucking Rumbler, but Strowman’s not in the Rumble and literally nobody else might be wrestling Lesnar at Mania. I’d love for Strowman to lose the title match without being pinned, murder Curt Hawkins or someone and steal their place in the Rumble, and win the whole thing and take the belt at Mania, but I can’t believe that’s in the cards.

Smackdown is a problem, because I can’t pick Randy Orton to win anything and I have a bad feeling if they go Smackdown they’re gonna go Orton. All the talk about Nakamura/Styles at Mania is just fan wishful thinking, and I think they’ve misused Nakamura badly enough since his debut that I don’t want it to happen at Mania this year. Can’t be Owens or Zayn because they’re not in it. Won’t be a tag person or the current US champ. Ought to be a heel. I’m going to go... ugh. My options are Baron Corbin or Jinder mahal at this point. I’d hate either one, but let’s say Corbin because I think Mahal will probably feud with Roode for a bit.

Wildcard: Ricochet debuts at #30, wins the Rumble, and challenges for the Cruiserweight Title in the Wrestlemania preshow.