Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundup (SD Live)

Let's hope Curt Hawkins doesn't, as they say, get paid by the hour.

Smackdown this week takes the one good thing it had going for it, the scrawny, weird-looking, but plucky James Ellsworth, and ruins it. Now what's going to lighten my load from a jacked as fuck tag division and whatever the fuck keeps happening with Randy Orton?

The James Ellsworth saga rapidly approaches its sell-by date, as he apologizes constantly to Dean Ambrose for defending and standing up for himself in a way that cost Ambrose the match last week. He then inexplicably tries to stop Ambrose and Styles from fighting, which leads to Styles beating Ambrose up, whih leads to more apologies, which leads to Daniel Bryan making a new Ambrose-Styles match and a new chance for Ambrose to earn a title shot, and warns Ellsworth to stay away from the ring and we all know how that's going to turn out.

Randy "Now In The Wyatt Family" Orton comes out for a no-DQ match with Kane, and the announcers tell us Orton is totally different now because he didn't pose in the corner during his entrance. Wow. The No-DQ allows the Wyatts to interfere after like a fucking minute, so at least they're keeping the stupid and obvious short.

After a video featuring the lone Baron Corbin about how he's a lone loner who walks and rides alone, we have a "two rivalries" tag match between Becky Lynch/Brie Bella and Alexa Bliss/Carmella. Alexa gets the pin in a very short match after Carmellaference, an eye rake, and a DDT, which confirms that she's not winning the title next week. Their post-match promo is longer than the match, and no better.

Weird-ass lyric-quoting nutjob Natalya is back, and is appointed the official coach, which may or may not be the same as a captain, I guess, since Natalya lost her chance to be on the team last week.

The Spirit Squad are still employed. But they're jobbing to American Alpha in a Survivor Series qualifier, which I guess sort of justifies their existence.

MizTV features Daniel Bryan, who reveals that Miz isn't on the Survivor Series team - it's Orton, Corbin, Ambrose, Styles, and Bray Wyatt. I hope Baron Corbin refuses to be on the team because he's such a loner. Anyway, the resulting argument leads to a Dolph Ziggler open challenge, answered by Curt Hawkins. The bell rings, Hawkins eats a superkick, gets pinned, and it, like Hawkins' new gimmick, is done.

In other news, Ellsworth wants to be at ringside because apparently he's an idiot, Randy Orton is welcomed into the Wyatts, and Evil Usos quickly cheat to beat the Headbangers to get into the Survivor Series match making me wonder why they're bothering with these qualifiers at all.

The main event is Dean Ambrose wrestling AJ Styles AGAIN for the right for Dean Ambrose to wrestle AJ Styles AGAIN, and despite feeling really really bad about what happens every time he's at ringside, and promising and being ordered to stay away from ringside, of course James Ellsworth shows up at ringside because the WWE can't write for shit. He gets chased around the arena like the old man in a Benny Hill sketch, almost causes Ambrose the match, then causes Styles the match instead. Yay?