Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground! (Two-Ep Spectacular)

Two episodes, two GIFs.

I mean, hot damn.

Gotta double up on the Lucha Underground stuff this week because of, well, everything. Luckily, these two episodes, "Loser Leaves Lucha" and "Ready For War" are kind of a package deal setting things up before Aztec Warfare.


UNDERCOVER COPS STORY:

Dario's Dial of Doom ending on Dario's Choice. I think this thing may be rigged. Dario uses his choice to get more revenge against Cortez "Undercover Cop Ricky Reyes" Castro is forced to wrestle The Monster Matanza Cueto with his arm in a cast. It goes as well as you'd expect, with fake blood capsules in the cast selling things even harder. Dario "subtly" lets him know why everything is happening post-match.

PUMA VS. MUERTES:

Puma officially challenges Mil to a Grave Consequences match during "Loser Leaves Lucha". Catrina accepts on Mil's behalf, and then Mil comes in for the beatdown as Business Suit Mil Muertes, my favorite Mil Muertes variant. The match, on "Ready For War", was spectacular, mixing a greatest hits collection of Graver Consequences spots, the damndest Flatliner counter I've ever seen, a mercifully brisk pace that never elt up, and a Mil Muertes win that makes me wonder what's next for this storyline. PUMA DARK?

THE ADVENTURES OF TEAM BAGEL BITES:

Son of Havoc faced Dr. Wagner Jr. in "Loser Leaves Lucha" - the winner gets to choose the stipulation for Mascarita Sagrada vs. Famous B. It's certainly a more solid match than their match at Ultima Lucha, and Havoc wins with the top rope, and they pick Believer's Backlash, only instead of fans whipping participants with belts, fans get to provide the weapons the wrestlers use. The match is exactly the kind of ridiculousness Lucha Underground excels at, with the action coing at a brisk pace and tons of good-dumb spots. Sagrada wins, of course, with a top-rope tornado DDT assisted by Matt Striker's shoe after the obligatory Dr. Wagner and Son of Havoc run-ins. And post-match, Sagrada gets a biker vest from Havoc in a feel-good moment that is slightly embarrassing to feel good about.

LOSER LEAVES LUCHA:

Rey and Chavo put on about as good a match as you could imagine. The best part o fthe match, though, was mid-match, when Chavo Guerrero Sr. got involved to hit Chavo Jr. with a chair, so that Rey would get disqualified and have to leave. This brings out Dario Cueto, who thinks this is bullshit because, in character, it deprives him of the VIOLENCE HE LOVES. So the match resumes, and the expected result takes place. 619, top rope splash, farewell Chavito.

THE DRAMA OF THE SNAKE TRIBE:

In another bathroom segment between Drago and Kobra Moon, Drago reveals that he was a slave to Moon's tribe. Moon revealed that Daga was murdered by Lord Pindar, which is exactly the kind of name I'd expect from this storyline on this show. Drago is shocked that Lord Pindar is still a going concern.

THE MIDCARD STORYLINE FIVE ON FIVE MOSH:

"Ready For War" gives us an incredibly complicated five-on-five match to determine five of the entrants into Aztec Warfare next week. On one team is Ivelisse, Ivelisse's ne'er do well boyfriend Jeremiah Crane, Ivelisse's rival Mariposa, Marioposa's brother Marty The Moth, and Marty's rival The Mack. On the other team is Argenis, Killshot, Killshot's former, believed to be dead, comrade in arms Dante Fox, Tejano, and Cage. The latter two, I must remind you, are currently 3-1 in a best of five series to determine which of them gets to be the host body for the soul of a descended god. The usual mashup action ensues, including inter-team rivalries, an amazing spot with Killshot and Ivellise, and of course, Dante betraying Killshot so that Marty can get the win, taking his team to Aztec Warfare.