PREDICTIONS: WWE Extreme Rules 2018

Nearly 50% Extreme!

It’s time for Extreme Rules, the PPV where anything goes, as long as you’re in one of the five matches where anything goes! Well, OK, one of the matches is an Iron Man match, so not anything goes. And one match just has a dude in a shark cage, so also many things don’t go. But definitely three matches where anything goes, if you count the pre-show!



PRESHOW:

Andrade “Cien” Almas vs. Sin Cara

These two put on a VERY surprising barnburner of a match on Smackdown, so the rematch should be entertaining, even if it won’t have a different result. Both preshow matches are here to establish new talent, and Almas is the new talent. Almas wins. (Extreme Rules: 0/1)

The New Day vs. Sanity (Tables Match)

Again, we’re establishing new talent, which means booking Sanity dominantly, which means someone on the new day is getting the Divide through a table. Probably Xavier. Sanity wins. (Extreme Rules: 1/2)

MAIN SHOW

Finn Balor vs. Baron Corgin

In a warmed over version of the already shitty Big Unemployed Cass vs. Daniel Bryan feud from last month, Big Man hates Little Man because Little Man is Little. Little Man wins. (Extreme Rules: 1/3)

Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens (Steel Cage)

OK, I’m gonna go out on a limb here. Kevin Owens has been taking shit from Strowman this entire feud. Steel Cage matches have lots of opportunities for shenanigans that will allow Ownes to win without “beating” Braun. Owens needs this. It’s Kalisto in the Casket Match time with a fluke win by Owens. (Extreme Rules: 2/4)

Deleters Of Worlds vs. The B Team (Raw Tag)

If they’re gonna pull the trigger on the joke-over B Team, this is the time to do it. Deleters Of Worlds is dead in the waters of the Lake of Reincarnation. For fuck’s sake, Curtis Axel is owning them on the mic. B Team wins the belts. (Extreme Rules: 2/5)

Team Hell No vs. Bludgeon Brothers (Smackdown Tag)

This has got to exist for the sole purpose of involving The Miz and setting up Miz-Bryan at Summerslam, the last big match they want out of Bryan before his contract expires. Bludgeons retain (yawn). (Extreme Rules: 2/6)

Jeff Hardy vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (United States)

Jeff Hardy is nursing back problems and Shinsuke Nakamura is owed something for all that work he’s done with AJ Styles since Wrestlemania. I’ll probably be wrong here, but let’s put a belt on Shin, eh? Dude got bit by a goddamned dog. (Extreme Rules: 2/7)

Carmella Vs. Asuka (SD Women, Ellsworth In A Cage)

The cage, meant to prevent interference, universally assures it. Carmella retains. (Extreme Rules: 3/8)

Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax (Raw Women’s, Extreme Rules)

Extreme Rules matches exist for the sole purpose of allowing people like Nia Jax to lose despite seeming clearly dominent. Ronda Rousey will get involved, Bliss retains. (Extreme Rules: 4/8)

Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler (IC Title, 30 Minute Iron Man)

This is a tough one because it depends entirely on their plans for Rollins, and to a lesser extent, Ziggler. Too many title changes in my predictions already, though, so I’m going to say Ziggler retains (Extereme Rules: 5/9)

AJ Styles vs. Rusev (WWE Title)

Doesn’t matter if they should, they’re not gonna put a belt on Rusev, and they’re definitely not gonna put AJ’s belt on him. AJ retains. (Extreme Rules: 5/10)

Roman Reigns vs. Bobby Lashley

Who gives a shit? I’ll pick Reigns because it’s probably always gonna be Reigns. (Extreme Rules: 5/11)