|One of the few extreme things on the show.|
Andrade “Cien” Almas vs. Sin Cara: Almas wins.
Decent opener to the kickoff, and indeed, Almas won. They went with a bit of Zelinterference to give him the win, and they busted out some fun stuff, including a top rope rana to Almas from the apron to outside. (1/1)
The New Day vs. Sanity (Tables Match): Sanity wins.
Well, it wasn’t a Divide, it was Eric Young’s big elbow. And it wasn’t Woods, it was Kofi. But Sanity still put New Day though a table and got the win. Fun match, as always happens when you have a motivated New Day going up against talented opponents. (2/2)
Deleters Of Worlds vs. The B Team (Raw Tag): B Team wins the belts.
I’m not sure why, if the B Team were going to pull off the shocking upset, they had them play classic heel (and fairly successfully) during the match. There was a Hardy Shoved Into Wyatt moment, which means they might be doing a breakup angle, which would be boring as fuck. But there wasn’t anything post-match except a fun interview with B Team, so we’ll see. The match itself was exactly what you’d expect.(3/3)
Finn Balor vs. Baron Corbin: Little Man wins
Well, that was awful. Corbin dominated for like eight minutes of rest holds, until Balor reversed an End of Days into a sloppy inside cradle for the surprise win, which means another month or so of feuding and another match at Summerslam, probably in the same dead spot on the card. (4/4)
Carmella Vs. Asuka (SD Women, Ellsworth In A Cage):Carmella retains.
That was also awful. credit where credit is due, the idea of Ellsworth producing a number of foreign objects from his ridiculous outfit is clever, but then he escaped from the cage, and then he dangled by his ankle from the cage, and then they lowered the cage some, and so Carmella pushed Asuka’s head into the cage for the win. Post-match, Asuka kicked Ellsworth’s ass some more, but man, this was deathly. (5/5)
Jeff Hardy vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (United States): I’ll probably be wrong here, but let’s put a belt on Shin, eh?
Hardy must be more hurt than reported, because Nakamura hit him with a low blow before the match, a Kinshasa as the bell rang, won the belt, and then we got the return of Randy Orton just to make everything worse. I mean, Orton stomped Har Dees Nutz, so at least he’s heel Orton again, but he’s still Orton. (6/6)
Braun Strowman vs. Kevin Owens (Steel Cage): fluke win by Owens.
This wasn’t much of a match. Strowman dominated, as you’d expect. Owens handcuffed Strowman to the ropes and was trying to escape, but an enraged Strowman snapped the handcuffs, caught Owens at the top of the cage, and in a hellacious bump, threw Ownes off the cage and through the announce table. Owens wins on a technicality, and Owens is stretchered out. (7/7)
Team Hell No vs. Bludgeon Brothers (Smackdown Tag): Bludgeons retain (yawn).
A backstage attack early in the show means Kane gets a hammer to the knee, and Bryan ends up taking on the Bludgeons alone. This goes as well as you’d expect after an early Bryan flurry, and also as you’d expect, Kane limps out mid-match to join his partner, but can’t be much help, so the Bludgeons pin Bryan for the win. Barely watchable. (8/8)
Roman Reigns vs. Bobby Lashley: Who gives a shit? I’ll pick Reigns.
Thank fuck this wasn’t anywhere near the main event, because the show’s already been so bad and uninspiring up to this point that ending on this garbage. This is like the slow, dumb, bad version of Cage vs. Mil Muertes. The crowd checked out early and often, but eventually, Lashley intercepted Reigns’ spear with a Spear of his own, which is a thing that only works in wrestling. Oh well. (8/9)
Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax (Raw Women’s, Extreme Rules): Bliss retains.
This was weird. It was fine in the beginning, but of course Rousey had to get involved, jumping the barricade to attack Mickie James and Alexa Bliss. Bliss and James take out Rousey, though, then they take out Jax, and Bliss hits a DDT on a chair for the win. Second half was really awkward and unconvincing. (9/10)
AJ Styles vs. Rusev (WWE Title): AJ retains.
This was fine, but it wasn’t a showcase for either guy. Rusev got pinned clean after miscommunication with English, which of course makes me worry they’re going to break the two of them up and end Rusev Day. How are the merch sales? (10/11)
Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler (IC Title, 30 Minute Iron Man): Ziggler retains.
On the up side, for the first time in a long time, the main event (of the main show) was also the best match on the card (of the main show). On the down side, it wasn’t great. I mean, it was an interesting story - Rollins went up 2-0, leading to Drew McIntyreference that put Seth up 3-0, but the resulting beatdown allowed Ziggler to go up 4-3. Rollins was able to tie, but not win, and Kurt Angle started a sudden death overtime, which Ziggler won in three seconds due to Drewstraction. Unfortunately, this pacing led to long dead stretches, and the crowd, already murdered by the entire card up to this point, couldn’t hang on through it. (11/12)