PREDICTIONS: Royal Rumble 2017

Mind meld with the Rumble. Take in the Rumble's katra.

Because it doesn't really lend itself to pure prediction, I'm going to discuss the Rumble match in a separate post. But the WWE has six fucking hours to fill, and only one-plus of those will be the Rumble match, so let's look at the rest of the card.


WWE Championship: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

OK. Here's the deal. John Cena will, at some point, tie and beat Ric Flair's record, becaue John Cena is a purely WWE product and creation. The question is, when and how? A tie at the Royal Rumble, then a loss at Elimination Chamber (maybe to Baron Corbin) and then a Wrestlemania win makes a lot of sense, but I'm going to guess instead a tie at this WM and a win at th enext one. Plus Cena went over in the final showdown on SD so that hints that AJ will retain.

WWE Universal Championship: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns, no DQ/Shark Cage

I don't care if it makes me wrong, I'm not picking Reigns here. Can't do it. Can't pick Reigns over Owens, not now, not ever. Owens retains and I'll probably be wrong.

WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Charlotte vs. Bayley

This goes to Charlotte. Possibly clean, possibly through shenanigans. There are rumors of Daniel Bryaning Bayley at Wrestlemania, but I think doing it this year would actually be too soon. The Daniel Bryan thing worked the way it did because for two years, the people wanted it and the WWE refused to give it to them. Ty try to compress that into a few months when the crowds aren't even 100% into Bayley yet would be a mistake.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Rich Swann vs. Neville

I think Neville needs to take this and run with it for 3-4 months, building up a face who can get over by chasing and beating him - probably Cedric Alexander, but I can dream about Akira Tozawa.

6 Woman Tag Match: Becky Lynch, Naomi and Nikki Bella vs. Alexa Bliss, Mickie James and Natalya

Who cares? I mean, seriously, this is the bathroom break match, which is a shame, given the talent involved. But it's just a feud mosh tag. I'm gonna give it to the heels since the only reason for a feud-mosh like this is to give it to the heels.

WWE Raw Tag Team Championships: Cesaro and Sheamus vs. The Clerb (Kickoff)

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say The Clerb wins by somehow managing to cheat despite the two referee stipulation, setting up Cesaro and Sheamus as pure faces who can chase and regain for a month or three.

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax (Kickoff)

For Bayley and Charlotte to keep feuding, Sasha and Jax need to keep feuding, so Jax wins in a match all about Sasha's injured knee.