Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Weekly Wrasslin' Wroundups (SDLive 8/9)

The build to Summerslam continues with a weird, boring Smackdown Live. I won't even get into the vignettes with The Miz making out with his wife on a giant table and confronting Scooby Doo.

So, Bray Wyatt, fresh off his turnbuckle-induced loss, is out to tell us he got cheated, and also he's a god. It's a weird promo, so here comes Dean Ambrose to tell us it's a weird promo. I do enjoy Dean Ambrose in full-on self-aware mode. Out comes Dolph Ziggler for revenge for last week's beatdown, and Dean Ambrose makes the save, and then Ambrose accidentally superkicks Ambrose because they're both faces and wrestling each other. This leads to the completely obvious tag match. Shane McMahon warns us that they should take The Wyatts seariously. Don't know if that'll help given the last two years of booking.

American Alpha are wrestling Local Talent for some reason. Every tag team on Smackdown comes out to watch the squash, to give you a full idea of how shitty the SD tag division is, and of course there's a post-match mosh which Alpha also "wins". When the competition is the Hype Bros, the Ascension, and the Vaudevillains, , it's hard to argue that Alpha shouTl be the first champs. I love the VV's, but they'll have to be booked stronger before they get belts.

 This week, Eva Marie can't wrestle Becky Lynch because her top won't stay on, and also because she can't wrestle. An enraged Lynch offers an open challenge, which brings out Alexa Bliss for a solid match that Bliss wins due to Eva Marie making another entrance. This is all a perfectly acceptable way to kill time until they give the women a reason to wrestle each other.

I suppose I could have watched Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio, but why would I? Del Rio disqualifies himself by destorying Orton's arm with a chair, but that's not enough to stop an RKO out of nowhere, and I'm already as sick as I can be of both "#outtanowhere" and "Viperville".

Heath Slater wrestles Rhyno. If he wins, he gets a job on Smackdown. They mention his (Republican) campaign for state representative in Michigan which is an actual thing that's happening. Rhyno wins with a gore. Afterwards, Heath Slater yells and storms out before Bryan and Shane can offer him a job. Because wackiness.

Having.a longer, canned, rhyming spiel on the way to the ring is not helping Carmella beyond the handful of NXT fan dudes in the crowd. Carmella's character was really too unfinished for her to be called up. Anyway, she's wrestling Natalya and wins by submission, hampered by neither the crowd nor the audience recognizing her finishing submission for what it was.

Apparenty John Cena and AJ Stoyles are wrestling at Summerslam, which we learn about via Smackown's weird, oversized newsroom set and a video package.

Baron Corbin is mad at Kalisto so he beats him up in the locker room, so there.

The main event tag match is standard and dull. Ziggler pins Rowan after a superkick, then Ambrose hits Dirty Dees on Ziggler after the match, which is played as a face thing because he was getting Ziggler back for the accidental superkick. Yawn.

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