|This really needed more of a JR than a Michael Cole.|
Cruiserweight Title: Neville (c) vs. Akira Tozawa: Neville retains.
This was a solid match, though not particularly special. LIght chicanery leads to a non-finisher win for Neville. (1/1)
Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt : Rollins wins.
Clearly, nobody could have predicted Bray Wyatt, self-proclaimed god, Eater of Worlds, the man who made maggots appear on the ring floor at Wrestlemania, beating Seth Rollins by pulling out the most unique, mystical, and dastardly trick in his arsenal - a thumb to the eye. Surprisingly energetic match up to the shitty finish that means this shitty feud is going to shitty continue. (1/2)
Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass: Big Cass wins, duh.
This was squashier than I would have preferred. I have to assume we're getting Cass/Big Show at Summerslam, given the way Enzo referenced teaming with Show in his pre-match promo. They tried to do the "Enzo's super tough and takes a beating" thing here, but if this match were in a video game, Cass would have ended it with a full health bar. (2/3)
Raw Tag Team Titles 30-Minute Iron Man Match: Sheamus & Cesaro (c) vs. The Hardy Boyz: I expect Cesaro and Sheamus to keep the belts
This was surprisingly well booked, but dragged down by the fact that the Hardys are old. Around the 20-25 minute mark, Matt, especially, started getting REALLY sloppy. Shesaro won 4-3 after a mixup over who was legal led to the final pin with about 30 seconds left. (3/4)
Raw Women's Title: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks: Bliss retains.
This was, as expected, a fantastic match, and the deliberate countout loss by Bliss, followed by the post-match brawl, is the kind of finish that will actually kickstart the real feud between these two. Unfortunately, they'll probably do a multi-woman match for Summerslam, because now I really want to see these two one on one, maybe with a stipulation, so Sasha can take the title. (4/5)
Intercontinental Title: The Miz (c) vs. Dean Ambrose: I'm gonna say Miz retains
I didn't even bother watching this, really. What I saw as I ffed through it looked like every other Ambrose-Miz match. Bo Dallas did look like a cross between Meat Loaf and Balls of Fury cosplay, though. And his interference gave Miz the win. (5/6)
Ambulance Match: Braun Strowman vs. Roman Reigns: Strowman to win.
I gotta say, I enjoyed the fuck out of this match. First, Strowman is the only opponent for whom Reigns is a convincing underdog. Second, it was gimmicked as hell. Third, the finish, with Reigns missing a spear and sliding into the ambulance, was, intentionally or otherwise, hilarious. And fourth, the post-match incident and ambulance crash and Jaws of Life and poor Heath Slater and Curt Hawkins pretending to wrestle while all this was going on, was great. even if the tinfoill add-on crumple zone on the tractor trailer was super obvious. Plus I got the prediction right. (6/7)
Universal Title: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Samoa Joe: Lesnar wins.
Yeah. I mean, on one hand, Joe got in a lot of offense. But on the other hand, Lesnar survived a pre-match beatdown, including being put through an announce table, a low blow, and three Kokina Clutchest to put down Joe with a single F5. So who knows where Joe goes from here? (7/8)
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