|I think Puma's been wroking on his upper body strength. Holy shit.|
This week's show starts with another spin of DARIO'S DIAL OF DOOM. It lands on Prince Puma, and then Dario drops the mic by throwing it at the camera because he's Dario Cueto and he's kind of a big deal. Unlike most DDD matches, this one is the main event.
So our opening match, instead, is Ivelisse vs. Mariposa. There's not a ton of story behind this match, but it's presented as Ivelisse preparing / training for her Ultima Lucha 3 match with Catrina. There's a lot to like about this match, especially Marty the Moth's outside interference and sexual harassment, which is fended off by Ivelisse. The butterfly falls victim to the Code Red, but Marty comes in for a post-match beatdown.
Dario is on the phone, presumably with his mysterious boss, talking about how Puma's bloodline won't counter Matanza's godhood. We keep getting hints of the Tribes Vs. Gods storyline I hope actually amounts to something this season. But until then, I can enjoy Dario Cueto constantly cockblocking Johnny Mundo's title dreams, this time by making a Gift of the Gods title match between Sexy Star and Jack Evans. After that, there's a WWE-style "coming soon" promo I assume is for Paul London's gang of weirdos from the Season 3 trailer.
Texano vs. Cage II is next. Remember, first to three wins gets Daro's Ooltimate Opportoonity. Like Cesaro-Sheamus, this series pits an agile, strong guy who's very good against a mediocre, limited wrestler. Like Cesaro-Sheamus, the matches are about as good as they can be given who's involved, which means not great. And like Cesaro-Sheamus, one wrestler builds a lead, as Cage pins Texano to go up 2-0. I'd kind of love to see Cage win it in 3, but I can't imagine that happening. At least there's no tag division so it can't end up like Cesaro-Sheamus.
Ivelisse has a shitty boyfriend! Who drinks out of a flask and has a side mullet and wants to fight in the Temple to defend her. She wants none of that bullshit. So she's kind of like NXT, because her boyfriend Jeremiah is the former NXT experiment, Solomon Crowe, aka Sami Callahan.
And now it's time for our main event. This is somehow the first meeting between Puma and Matanza, and it does not disappoint, even with the completely predictable ending. Puma gets punished for a lot of the match, barely holding his own, but mounts an incredible comeback, including a Northern Lights suplex into a dead-lift suplex that's completely fucking astonishing given Matanza's size. Just watch the GIF of it above over and over. Jaysus.
Puma hits the 630, and that, of course, is when Mil Muertes interferes, hits Puma with a vicious spear and a Flatliner, and sets Matanza up for a pop-up Wrath of the Gods for the win.
We close with a vignette foretelling future events. Joey Ryan gives Killshot a message from someone he can't describe because, well, "I'm not a detective." Ha. Killshot's military past will be coming back to haunt him very soon. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN.
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