WWE No Mercy 2016

Called this one, heh.

The tradition of brand-only PPV's not being that great continues, although to No Mercy's credit, two of the three title matches were good to great. But an unexpected injury and the shallow roster ultimately took their toll.

Great news, everyone! Curt Hawkins made his in-ring return... during the No Mercy pre-show... with his stupid Chuck Norris ripoff trying too hard gimmick... and an announcer like they had for Eva Marie before that whole thing shit the bed... carrying a cane. He gets pyro just because he stepped in the ring, and promises a match on Smackdown on Tuesday. The weird part is, the thing where he asks for and gets over-the-top praise for simple accomplishments is kinda funny.

The pre-show also includes an All The Other Tag Teams match. It's pretty entertaining, although Mojo Rawley debuted his second new way to be super-annoying in a single week. Alpha pins the Villains, which is good and bad, respectively.

NO MERCY PREDICTION: Styles retains. John Cena is talking about Ric Flair's 16-championship record, but if he ever ties it, it won't happen at a single-brand late fall PPV, and it won't happen the month he decides to try for it. And it's certainly not time for Ambrose to get the belt back.

This is first on the card, which is weird. Maybe they figured people would watch it if it got done before the presidential debate? They're selling it as A Thing, putting the main event first up, but I don't know why. But the match was much better than I expected. All three guys had pep in their step, which is increasingly an issue with Ambrose and occasionally for Cena. Some great spots, and it was one of those triple threats that was very rarely two guys fighting while one guy recovers, which was nice. Cena and Ambrose both lock submissions on Styles at the same time, making him tap, but with no clear winner the match is restarted and Styles wins after refterference and chair shots to Cena. So I'm 1/1.

NO MERCY PREDICTION: Carmella will probably defeat Brie Bella via some form of shenanigans, because I don't see the women's devision shaking things up for at least another month.

And apparently not. Carmella is dominant for most of the match, but Nikki fights out of the Code of Silence twice and hits a new finisher for the win. We also learn that Becky Lynch is out with an unspecified injury (The internet knows not what it is but that it's only about a month of downtime). 1/2 on predictions. But a backstage segment where The Miz goads Daniel Bryan gives me confidence about a future one.

NO MERCY PREDICTION: Usos are guaranteed to win and, I suspect, send Rhyno and Slater back to singles wrestling. I mean, they're already setting up the Uso's championship feud with American Alpha with this bit.

And apparently not. A mediocre match ends with a hot tag to Rhyno, a Gore, and a win for the "Odd Couple", for some reason. No idea where the tag division goes from here. If they were gonna move on to Ascension or Vaudevillains as contenders, one of them would have won on the preshow. So Usos again? 1/3

NO MERCY PREDICTION: Corbin's gotta win this, right? I don't like him, but even he shouldn't be losing to Jack Swagger.

And indeed, Corbin hits the End of Days off an eye poke to win a match that's exactly what you'd expect from these two. 2/4

NO MERCY PREDICTION: There's a lot of scuttlebutt around Ziggle's status with the company, but it seems like bullshit to me. Ziggler wins.

Here's a match where the story made up for the in-ring action. I mean, Ziggler was very good here, but didn't bring anything new. The Miz brought his usual Daniel Bryan mocking and general shenanigans, but Ziggler overcame all the shenanigans to finally get his vindication. I'm mainly surprised Daniel Bryan didn't get involved in any capacity. 3/5, and I laugh at all of you who believed the "Ziggler's contract is up" rumors.

NO MERCY PREDICTION: Becky Lynch isn't dropping the belt after one month, and Alexa's in a classic "honor just to be nominated" position.

As the only face left in the building with Lynch injured and Nikki already having wrestled, of course Naomi is called upon to face Bliss in what's now a filler match. And Naomi wins, which is weird, but I guess the two of them need something to do until Becky's healthy, and arguing over the #1 Contendership is as good as anything else. Still 3/5, I won't claim Alexa losing as a correct prediction.

NO MERCY PREDICTION: It's a pay per view culminating in a month long sppoky feud, so Bray Wyatt will lose. Also, Randy Orton's last two PPV's were being humiliated by Lesnar and not being able to compete thanks to Lesnar, so there's no way he's losing three straight.

I barely watched this, to be honest. I could follow it just by listening to it. Bray Wyatt actually won at a PPV, thanks to the surprise return of Luke "I Can't Manage a Singles Push" Harper, who stood there and distracted  Randy long enough for Bray to hit Sister Abigail. Which means another month of shitty spookiness. And a 3/6 finale on predictions. I've done worse.