The Semi-Regular Kids Warehouse Haul

 

This pic goes up top because it’s the one I put the most effort into.

For the second time now, researching a toy has led me to a toy I didn’t know esited. or had dismissed, only to find it dirt cheap at Kids Warehouse, reminding me that Kids Warehouse exists, reminding me that they sell a lot of Hasbro on the dirt cheap, causing me to make a… hefty purchase.

For the record, the toys listed here averaged out to about $8.50 each with shipping.

First up, the Fortnite Upgrade Shark, which would have been very disappointing at full price. That’s a theme you’ll see emerging throughout. 

But look, there are lots of times when you need a shark. And I didn’t have a shark. And this was a shark. Was I surprised that, unlike many Hasbro full size animal figures, this one had jaw articulation and nothing else? Yes I was. Its main immick is that you can pull it apart into two pieces and a bunch of Fortnite goodies fall out, which doesn’t help me. The goodies aren’t bad, though. A little fire, a sushi backpack, some very garish water skis, a rifle, and a globe thing that probably makes sense if you know Fortnite.

Next is easily my favorite figure of the whole bunch, G.I. Joe Classified Zarana. She’s so good I may have to get another one because this one broke in the package. The left arm pops off at the bicep swivel. It pops back on, but it doesn’t stay poppped on so the arm has to live in the accessory bag. Anyway, she’s an 80’s delight, with ripped jeans and a pink crop-top and swappable hairstyles and a bunch of cool weapons. And if I get another one thay can each wear one of the hairstyles and be twins or somehting.

Times like this are great for rounding out the Star Wars Black Series character list with figures that are perfectly adequate representations of the characters, but who I absolutely don’t care $25 bucks about.

Farmboy Luke is probably the best of the bunch, because he forgoes the usual limited Black Series articulation for double elbows and double knees. The tradeoff for this is the tunic, which is real cloth and a bit shitty. But he has macrobinoculars and a lightsaber and I’d been thinking about getting him for a while, so there’s that.

Professor Huyang should be in a separate post, because I didn’t buy him from Kids Warehouse. I preordered him because I liked the character in Ahsoka. He’s pretty good - he’s an all new sculpt, comes with a lot of accessories, and the backpack with two bonus arms is nifty. The jointing is weird. There must be some reason why the elbows and knees don’t go past 90 even though there’s enough room for them to, but I don’t know what it is. The elbows do bend backwards as well as forwards, but I don’t know what that would help.

Ponda Baba and Grand Moff Tarkin are standard Black Series figs from a few years ago. Perfectly adequate, nothing special. Tarkin’s interrogation droid does come on a stand, but for some reason it’s a wobbly ball joint and not a fixed stand, so if it flops a bit to one side, the stand no longer… stands. The internet seems to say that’s an aberration so maybe at some point I can fix it.

And finally, a whole passel of Marvel Legends. I’ve passed on the AIM Scientist Supreme a bunch of times at price points arouind $14,  but this was cheap enough to finally add a beekeeper to the collection. The Spidey retro-carded Hammerhead is a very nice representation of the character, but once again, not that interesting and a minor villain at $25. 

MCU Black Pantehr figures have the most exaggerated version of the problem a lot of MCU figures have - the “movie-accurate” tones can look drab and muddled  and low-contrast, and that’s especially true on a dark background. Which is why I never got the Legacy Killmonger or the Wakanda Forever Shuri and Nakia despite loving the moviews. 

I will say the marketers did Nakia no favors by putting her unmasked head on the packaging and promo shots. I don’t think I realized it was the dive suit from the movie until I held it in my hands. Once you realize that, the figure makes so much more sense visually. Anyway, these are all pretty much what you get with movie Marvel Legends.

And then there’s Luke Cage and Claire Temple, the two-pack I didn’t know existed until I was looking up what the name and build-a-figure was for my “Classic” Luke Cage for my inventory. There was a time when Marvel Legends would make a mediocre figure of literally anything. Some would argue we’re still in that time, but at its peak? There’d be stuff like Dude In T-Shirt and Random Normal Lady Two-Pack.

In 2023, though, they were first, dirt cheap, and second, perfect for the burgeoning ranks of NORMIE SQUAD. So I had to get them. They are exactly what it says on the label. Claire, especially, is that generic Marvel Legends Female Figure template that got used for everybody. Limited articulation, clothes, purse. She does have claw hands, which is a bonus and, aside from the purse, the only accessory.

Anyway, what matters is that it was a giant pile of plastic for a price so low I’m not even mad that the Yoda I ordered was, thanks to my poor eyesight, a goddamned Vintage Collection one and not a Black Series.