Weekly Wrasslin' Wrouindups (Raw)

Shockingly, this isn't Sin Cara or Kalisto jobbing.

There's a PPV this Sunday! Clash of Champions! It's special! It's like your birthday, if you had nineteen birthdays a year and only one out of every five pieces of cake had frosting on it. Anyway, there was a Raw on Monday, featuring the DAWN OF THE CRUISERWEIGHTS.

Weird dynamics to open the show, as Stephanie McMahon saves us from Roman Reigns talking, then Mick Foley saves us from Stephanie McMahon talking, and then everyone talks, the net result being Reigns-Rusev at Clash of Champions for the US Title, Rollins vs. Rusev tonight, and Owens vs. Reigns tonight in a steel cage.

Rollins-Rusev is first, and it's a fairly standard affair that ends in a double countout because, well, they're both heels. The match ends with Rollins hitting Rusev with a croswsbody from the announce table to the floor next to the entrance ramp, which is maybe top rope height tops, and the announcers sell it like he dove off the Titantron.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: I think they'll want to set up Rusev's loss more than they have already, plus I don't want Reigns to beat him, so I'm picking Reigns in the US Championship match.

More backstage shenanigans as the Women's Championship match is now a triple threat including Bayley because their match last week had a double pin, and Chris Jericho's descent into madness now means he's making lists of why Mick Foley is a bad GM.

Braun Strohman catches up to Nia Jax by mostly-squashing Sin Cara. So I bet Neville is next.

Next up is a women's tag match, Sasha-Bayley vs. Charlotte-Dana. They have Charlotte and Dana's hatelove dynamic going on, and they have Sasha's mild irritation with Bayley and the triple threat match going on. None of this plays out during or after the match, though. Charlotte pins Bayley after a big boot.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: I suspect Bayley is in this match to eat the pin. They took the belt off Sasha due to injury, the injury is past, so Sasha will probably get the belt back.

Bo Dallas, still rhyming, still squashing local talent. The crowd chants "Let's go jobber!"

Cesaro-Sheamus VI is next, and Cesaro wins with the Neutralizer cappng a complete lack of surprises from bell ring to three count.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: Cesaro, of course.

Chris Jericho is out with his list of grievances, which is pretty funny, And then he's interrupted by Enzo and Cass, and things are going well until the Shining Stars show up, and then things pick up when The New Day arrive, and it's a real emotional rollercoaster except with quality of promos replacing emotions. Jericho adds everyone to in the ring to the list of Stupid Idiots, which brings out Sami Zayne to beat down Jericho, and then everyone starts beating each other. Apparently Zayn-Jericho is confirmed for Clash of Champions.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: Jericho's been laying down for a lot of dudes lately. Is he here to give Zayn the rub? I hope so. Zayn could use the win.

This turns, unsurprisingly, into a big mosh of a match, with all the faces except Xavier Woods wrestling all the heels. Everyone has matches to promote except Enzo-Cass vs. Shining Stars, because nobody announces pre-show matches five days in advance. It's kind of a mess, but ends fun with everyone knocking everyone else to the outside, and Sami Zayn hitting the Heluva Kick on Epico to set him up for the Bada Boom Shakalaka.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTIONS: The WWE are very, very invested in the W W E WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, and I don't see them dropping the belts any time soon. New Day wins. Assuming Enzo and Cass wrestle Shining Stars on the preshow, Enzo and Cass will obviously win.

And it's cruiserweight time! After Mick Foley gets most of the words of his intro right, we have Rich Swann, Gran Metalik, Cedric Alexander, and Brian Kendrick  come out to muted crowd reaction and some new graphics but no real entrance videos. They announce all four as a Fatal Four-Way for a shot at TJ Perkins' title on Sunday. Kendrick's the only heelish guy in the match, and so he gets the victory with the Captain's Hook, which a few weeks ago was the Bully Choke. It's a better match than the crowd thinks it is. Apparently, the statement that TJ Perkins would walk onto Raw tonight as the Cruiserweight Champion was metaphorical, though. We'll see him on Sunday.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: TJ Perkins has to have his championship cemented, and pitting him against a heel Kendrick is a good way to do it. Perkins retains.

And finally, we have Reigns-Owens in a steel cage. Reigns does his usual Reigns stuff, including kicking out of the Pop Up Powerbomb, a few Superman Punches, winning the match by winning an escape race, and beating up Rusev after the match. Owens kicks the cage door into Reigns' head, though, and orders Rusev to "MACHKA SOMETHING!" Rusev locks the cage door with everyone inside, and slaps the Accolade on, but Rollins runs in, climbs the cage, and dives off to make the save.

CLASH OF CHAMPIONS PREDICTION: We haven't seen HHH since he gave Owens the win. It looks like they're working on a slow full face turn for Rollins, so I expect Owens to win at Clash due to Authorityference.