Thursday, September 22, 2016

Motherfuckin' Lucha Underground (Ultimate Opportunity)

Between Apple removing the ability to screencap video in iOS 10 and now somehow iTunes not having this ep of Lucha Underground like they're supposed to on Thursday, they are really fucking with my mojo. Luckily, this episode was great and available on demand.

After the Our Story So Far recap, Rey and DAJr are working out in the ring, discussing Pentagon Dark and the breaking of arms, but Rey tells his protege there are more important fights. Then Chavo Guerrero shows up, fucks with DAJr, and says he may have to teach him something about the Familia Guerrero. Enh.

It's time for DARIO'S DIAL OF DOOM! The dial lands on The Mack, and so he has a championship match against The Monster Matanza Cueto RIGHT NOW. REENG DA BEEEEEELL. Mack comes out strong, as is the way of these upper-midcarder championship matches where we know they won't win. Matanza takes over for a while. Both guys are surprisingly agile hosses, so there's lots of great action, and the crowd's into it, especially for mack's late-match comeback, but knees up on a top rope splash leads to Wrath Of The Gods wins it. I like this, because The Temple believes that these guys have a shot, even when they don't.

In the single greatest vignette in the history of Lucha Underground, Son of Havoc and Mascarita Sagrada are watching old Famous B commercials in the basement, when suddenly, SON OF HAVOC'S MOM LINDA COMES DOWN THE STAIRS AND OFFERS THEM MOTHERFUCKING BAGEL BITES. I know that sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but seriously, the awesomeness of that cannot be understated.

Johnny Mundo is angry! He doesn't want some stinking shot at Trios gold. He wants Matanza or nothing and storms out. So Taya volunteers to take Mundo's place, and also tells Dario he has something in his teeth, because she's awesome.

And speaking of reasons Lucha Underground is awesome, they announce Texano, they announce Cage, and I'm ready for a generic match to remind us that both guys are part of the company. And then Dario comes out, says that the match isn't for a Unique Opportunity, but is instead for the Ultimate Opportunity, which, like all Dario Opportunities, you find out about after you win. And suddenly, the coutcome of the match matters. And you know, I'm not the biggest fan of Texano, but he's able to keep up with Cage's offense for a decent match. And it's a good thing, because after Cage defeats Texano with a discus lariat, Dario announces that the Ultimate Opportunity will go to the ictor of a Best of Five series.

Another Dario office sequence. Someone has sent Dario a bunch of photos. I can't tell what the pictures are, but the Internet says "maybe creepy dolls"? DAJr busts in and demands a match with Pentagon. We learn that Black Lotus is back in Hong Kong, so Dario pencils in the Pentagon match for the future. Then Ricky Mandel stops in to find out when his next match is, thinks Dario's pictures look cool, and so Dario gives them to him. Finally, Chavo tells Dario they need to talk.

And then we have our main event, Worldwide Undergound (MMF Variant) vsrsus Full White Ranger Aerostar, Brought HIs Awesome Wings Drago, and Needs More Entrance Gear Fenix. For the Trios Championship. There's a lot of Worldwide Shenanigans, and a weird pouty pissing match between PJ Black and Jack Evans that occupies the parts of the match that aren't the usual awesome things these awesome guys do. Aerostar gets the pin on PJ Black with an outside-to-inside lungblower.

The Chavo-DAJr-Rey dynamic plays out post-match in Dario's office. Chavo's beef is apparently that he also wants revenge on Pentagon Dark, so next week, it's DAJr vs. Chavito, with special guest referee Rey Mysterio, and the winner gets the match against Pentagon Dark.

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