An Old Nerd Makes Blind Guesses About THe First All-Woman PPV

The placement in this graphic is disappointingly accurate.

If you go by the promotion on WWE television, there are four matches on Evolution this Sunday.Maybe five, if you didn’t blink and miss an announcement like I did. Turns out there are eight, but the other three are from WWE sub-promotions, because apparently that’s the only way they can write enough women’s feuds to fill an entire PPV despite their massive roster. Anyway, predictions.


Rhea Ripley vs. Isla Dawn (WWE UK Championship)

This has been announced even though the WWE UK episode that puts the belt on Ripley hasn’t even aired yet. Having not seen any of the booking I have no idea where they’d be going with this, except for the fact that they’d be insane to crown a champ on Wednesday and take the belt off her on Sunday. Ripley retains.

Io Shirai vs. Toni Storm, Mae Young Classic Finals

I’m behind a bit on the MYC, so I had to look at the Internet to see who advanced to the finals, but I’m not surprised. These were two of the strong favorites both within kayfabe and without. I’m picking Toni Storm to win, because 2018 WWE is still WWE, and no way are they not going to see two Japanese winners in the first two years as a thing to be avoided.

Women’s Battle Royal (Shot at Championship)

Have talent but no feuds? No problem! Battle royal! Of the participants announced to date, the only credible winners are Ember Moon, Nia Jax, Asuka, Carmella, and Naomi. Asuka won the Royal Rumble, so she won’t be winning here. Bit monsters are always pitched as unstoppable in these things and are almost always stopped, so Jax won’t win. Since I give myself three picks for battle royals, that leaves Naomi, Ember Moon, and Carmella, in order of likeliness.

Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Natalya vs. The Riott Squad

This is true equality in WWE. The women get a throwaway PPV undercard match that’s the same match you’ve been watching on Raw for the last couple of weeks and the same match you’ll be watching on Raw for a few weeks after. It doesn’t matter who wins this and the only reason it won’t end up on the preshow is because that’s where they’ll probably put Ripley-Dawn. Flip a coin and give it to whoever lost on Raw, which I have to look up. It was Riott, so The Boss And Hug And We Only Have One Women’s Trio So Fuck It Natalya Connection wins.

Kairi Sane vs. Shayna Baszler (NXT Championship)

Had to wait to see if they did anything on NXT for me to make this call. They did not. Fuck. My gut tells me whoever loses is getting called up. And/or there might be some shenanigans with Baszler and Rousey in the same building. And then there’s Io Shirai coming in and her connection to Sane and... total coin flip. Baszler regains the belt.

Trish Stratus and Lita vs. Alexa Bliss and Mickie James

It’s a Legends exhibition match. Trish and Lita will win because there’s no reason for them to lose.

Nikki Bella vs. Ronda Rousey (Raw Championship) 

Ronda has the belt because it’s getting the WWE attention and money, I assume. She’ll retain.

Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch (Smackdown Championship):

This is almost impossible to predict. There wasn’t even an on-show confrontation for me to use as a guide, just a pretaped NXT Performance Center scuffle that nobody really won. If Charlotte were the true face and Lynch the true heel, Charlotte winning the belt back at the PPV would be assured, because she is, right ly or wrongly, seen as the standard bearer of the new age of WWE women’s wrestling. But she’s not really the face, and Becky’s not really the heel. But WWE keeps trying to act like they are. I’ve gotta go with the story WWE thinks it’s trying to tell because, when the chips are down, they’ll always believe they’re right and the fans are wrong. Charlotte gets the belt back.