Sunday, September 16, 2018

An Old Nerd Tries To Guess What Will Hpapen At Hell In A Cell 2018

Apparently this is real art. Seriously.
I gotta be honest - I’m not particularly interested in or excited by the happenings leading up to and the matches in tonight’s Hell In The Cell PPV. But let’s make predictions anyway.

PRE-SHOW: Rusev Day vs. New Day for the Tag Team Championships

While it’d be nice for them to finally pull a trigger and put a belt on Rusev for the first time in years, WWE history and the fact that this is a pre-show match tells me that, while it’ll be a lot of fun, the New Day will retain.

The Miz and Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella

This feud continues from Summerslam, but it won’t be ending with a mixed tag match, so I’m predicting no clean win for D-Bry and B-Bel. Some kind of shenanigans-based win for Miz and Mrs. or a dq or countout or some bullshit.

Alexa Bliss vs. Ronda Rousey for the Raw Women’s Championship

They didn’t put the belt on Rousey to take the belt off Rousey. Rousey retains, and continues wrestling two matches a month, one of which she practices for weeks for and one of which she’s heavily protected and kept from doing stuff in.

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton: Hell In A Cell

I do not give a shit. But the rule is, NEVER PICK RANDY ORTON, so Jeff Hardy wins.

Ziggler & McIntyre vs. Shields At 67% for the Raw Tag Team Championship

Having created a faction consisting of Braun Strowman, Ziggler, McIntyre, and the entire heel roster, I don’t see them losing the belts yet  Champs retain.

AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe for the WWE Championship

Is it October 9 yet? No? Is WWE 2K19 with AJ Styles on the cover in stores yet? No? Then Styles retains.

Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch for the Smackdown Women’s Championship

The Becky Lynch character transformation, both in intent (make her a dastardly heel) and actual effect (turning her into a beloved badass), has been the most interesting thing on WWE all month. I don’t think it’s time to give her the belt, but a clean loss would damage her credibility. Charlotte retains but in a way that makes Becky and her legitimate complaints seem even more legitimate.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman in the Cell for the Universal Championship.

You don’t put the belt on heel Braun Strowman, even if you’re fucking dense like WWE is. Reigns retains.

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