An Old Nerd Reflects On Hell, Cels, And Australia

THEY PAINTED THE CELL RED OH MAN

I actually plowed through Hell In A Cell on Monday, but I’ve had to spend a couple of days researching yet another goddamned iOS writing app (another post) so now I have to remember how I felt about these matches. Shouldn’t be difficult.

PRE-SHOW: Rusev Day vs. New Day for the Tag Team Championships: the New Day will retain.

They did. Match was solid and energetic, especially for a pre-show match. Of course, the Rusev Day loss led directly to the Rusev Day breakup on Smackdown this week, which is a shame, but at least they had English turn on Rusev and not vice versa. Rusev remains a nominal face for the time being. (1/1)

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton: Hell In A Cell: Jeff Hardy wins.

Jeff Hardy lost, but that’s OK. I’m still comfortable with never picking Randy Orton to win anything ever. Fairly dull match with one notable spot - Orton sticking a screwdriver through Hardy’s pierced ear and stretching and twisting the lobe in a way that would hurt most people but I have to assume Hardy’s lobes just do naturally. (1/2)

Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch for the Smackdown Women’s Championship: Charlotte retains

Another happy-to-be-wrong moment. Lynch wins the belt in a credible but not definitive way (reversing a spear vs. her finisher) and the feud will continue. They’re still trying to make Becky the bad person in this interaction, but they’re clearly afraid of a complete backfire and are drawing it out and doing it less quickly and less obviously. Oh, and the rematch will be in Australia. (1/3)

Ziggler & McIntyre vs. Shields At 67% for the Raw Tag Team Championship: Champs retain.

Yep. This match was very good, but it’s the latest variation on a theme that’s been going on for months before this and is still continuing on Raw. It’s getting stale. (2/4)

AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe for the WWE Championship: Styles retains.

They went the “controversial ending” route, where Styles got the pin while tapping out, and the ref only saw the pin, not the tap. Match was excellent. They were working snug as fuuuuuuck or making it seem like it. They go on to a no-DQ “there must be a winner” match in Australia in a few weeks. (3/5)

The Miz and Maryse vs. Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella: Some kind of shenanigans-based win for Miz and Mrs.

Yep. Shenanigans, Maryse pins Brie, Miz and Bryan go on to fight in Australia with the #1 Contendership for AJ’s title on the line. I’m not doing official Super Showdown predictions, but I could imagine either Joe and Bryan winning or Styles and Miz winning. The match itself was not one of the better mixed-gender tags in WWE history, and there aren’t many good ones. (4/6)

Alexa Bliss vs. Ronda Rousey for the Raw Women’s Championship: Rousey retains.

At least Alexa got some offense in this time? I get why Rousey’s in the spot she’s in, and I get why she’s champ, but since I don’t give two shits about her celebrity factor, it’s weird watching her learn how to work a match while she holds the belt. (5/7)

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman in the Cell for the Universal Championship.: Reigns retains.

Ugh, what a steaming pile this was. Brock Lesnar interfered, the Shield and Zigglintyre lumbered around on top of the cage so that Brawn and Roman wouldn’t have to, and thematch got thrown out so we could have a Brock-Braun-Roman triple threat in Australia. Seriously, how much of this show was setup for Australia? (6/8)