|The very definition of “fool me twice, shame on me”.|
The Bludgeon Brothers vs. The Clerb (Smacodown Tag): Bludgeons destroy them.
Yep. Standard one-comback squash. (1/1)
Daniel Bryan vs. Big Cass: I’m still picking Bryan.
And I was right to. Bryan whupped Cass so hard Cass got fired. Oh, wait, that wasn’t why it happened. Anyway, this was what was expected. Big man versus little man, lumbering, submission. (2/2)
Bobby Lashley vs. Sami Zayn: Lashley wins quickly
Yep. This was garbage and a squash but at least it’s over. (3/3)
Seth Rollins vs. Elias (Intercontinental): Rollins retains.
Yep, although my sentiment that “nobody’s taking the belt off Rollins anytime soon” will prove very wrong. No surprises here as both guys performed to their expected level and interacted OK. (4/4)
Women’s Money In The Bank: Lana, Natalya, Alexa Bliss, Charlotte, Ember Moon, Becky Lynch, Naomi, and Sasha Banks: Sasha Banks or Ember Moon
Nope! They gave the belt to Bliss, which is good for Bliss, but I really thought they’d take the opportunity to shuffle the status quo around a bit. The match was good, although I’m not a huge fan of lengthy “everyone scrambles for the belt all the time” versions of this particular match, which this was. (4/5)
Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal: Reigns wins this bullshit match
Yep, he did, and it was garbage and a waste of everyone’s time except the inventive chant starters in Chicago. (5/6)
Carmella vs. Asuka (Smackdown Women’s): Asuka wins
Or, you know, you could bring back James Ellsworth, have him dress up as Asuka, and have Asuka stare at him like he’s a ghost for like four straight minutes before Carmella pins her. Sure. You could totally do that, too. (5/7)
AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (Last Man Standing, WWE Championship): Nakamura needs the win.
Or, you know, you could have Nakamura lose AGAIN because AJ is on the cover of WWE 2K19 and you need to promote your latest unplayable wrestling video game. Sure. Do that. (5/8)
Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey (Raw Women’s): Jax retains, probably through extensive shenanigans to protect Rousey.
This is TECHNICALLY CORRECT, the best kind of correct! Alexa Bliss interrupted, caused a DQ, leading to Jax retaining, then pinned Jax to win the title. So the Raw women’s division is going to be about Bliss and Jax with a side of Rousey for at least another month. (6/9)
Men’s Money In The Bank: Samoa Joe, Kevin Owens, Bobby Roode, Braun Strowman, The Miz, Rusev, Finn Balor, Kofi Kinston: Samoa Joe or Rusev
I really thought they’d split the briefcases. But no. It goes to Raw in the hands of Braun Strwoman, who, admittedly tends to be put in matches like this so he can lose without losing. So he finally won one. I don’t think he needs the briefcase, but I’d like to see him cash in like a month in advance, because the usual MitB cash-in strategies don’t fit his character. Match was good, with a few memorable spots, but nothing special. (6/10)
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