Sunday, July 10, 2022

Unhelpful Recipes: Cheater Birria Ramen

Unhelpful Recipes are recipes that for the most part will not help you .

They will not help you because, well, you’re not me. And since3 you’re not me, you don’t do things like, say, twice a year, buy an entire fucking brisket from Business Costco, separate the flat for either corning or smoking, then pressure cook the points and freeze the resulting shreds in one pound baggies so that you always have shredded cooked brisket meat on hand for when you need a little bit of shreddy beef.

Now it IS possible that you live near a place that makes good birria tacos for takeout and gives you more consomme than you need for dipping. You probably don’t have a bunch of parsnips sitting around looking for excuses to be thrown into something. You may or may not be looking to add some vegetables to your diet because you just ate three quesabirria tacos the night before and thorw parsnips in on a whim. The rest is pretty straightforward except for the garlic scapes but some of you may be scapedorks like me. I don’t know your life.

Also, I’m not measuring shit. Back in the day when this was Forkbastard and I was trying to do helpful recipes, I would measure all my stuff after I decided how much I needed because that’s how recipes work. 

But if the recipes aren’t helpful, then I don’t need to mess with my flow. Amounts given here are eyeballed and should not be trusted except in a relative sense.  It’s not a cake. Use what seems right. Or just lift ideas for something else. 

  • 3-4 oz of leftover birria consomme from an order of birria or quesabirria tacos
  • 4 oz shredded cooked brisket
  • About half a red onion
  • The bottom three inches of a bunch of garlic scapes, sliced small
  • One large parsnip, small diced
  • Most of a quart of beef broth
  • Some scallion greens, thinly sliced
  • Two large red radishes, halved and thinly sliced
  • About a cup of shredded cabbage
  • Cotija cheese
  • Proper ramen-type noodles (not packet style) for two
To make the broth, saute the onion and garlic scapes in oil with a bit of salt until they’re sweated out. Add the broth and the consomme and bring to a boil. Add the parsnips and simmer for 10-15 minutes until the parsnips are cooked through. Turn off the heat.

In a separate pot, boil the ramen noodles until they’re done. If you don’t know how to cook ramen noodles don’t make ramen. When done, drop the noodles into a good size ramen soup bowl

Split the brisket between the two bowls. Do the same with the cabbage, then cover with the broth and parsnips. Add the radishes and scallions and crumble some cotija cheese over the top. Hot sauces, lime, and cilantro are optional for people who like it hotter, sourer, or more cilantro-ey 

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